1. Unnecessary "battles" that we wage
2. Along the same line as one of my previous posts, Deliver the Value: Getting lost in details
How often do we enter into battle simply because it is what we always do? Claiming the principle of the matter or being so self-centred that we don't see the other person is just having a bad day, or in a bad mood, or experiencing a run of bad luck. When we are unhappy or having a bad day, we tend to turn people into one dimensional beings, instead of seeing their complexity and multi-dimensionality... We mostly fail to realise that everyone is, at the core, just like us.
People have bad days and good days, and most people live fairly unobtrusive lives, and yet when we are unhappy we tend to focus on the one thing that they do that is upsetting us, or on the event that took place (even though the call center operator is not responsible for our ordeal) and pasting it onto the person that we have to deal with.
So much anger and unhappiness is being sent out into the world with such venomous force on a daily basis... And yet, there is always another way. Most people are never taught how to turn their angry-mob-mentality into this way of course, how to deal with it in a way that harms no one (although mostly the person that receives the most punishment is the one that IS angry).
Only recently have we started delving into teaching our children how to deal with their emotions in an effective way. This does not mean that one should not be angry or frustrated, but simply that one should be able to distinguish different levels of anger, that every frustrating emotion is not always anger, as well as learning an effective way of dealing with said emotions.
Learning emotional vocabulary also helps people to better determine what they are feeling. When a person is given a vocabulary of emotions, they learn to look inside to find out why whatever is happening is making them feel the way they do, as opposed to simply reacting to a painful or frustrating emotion. They learn to analyse themselves, they get to know themselves better, and to realise and heal any situation that might be hampering their growth. It does any person good to realise that a situation is not always upsetting to everyone, and that the reason that you get as upset as you do, is personal.
We all learn from our parents, and if our parents were never able to deal with frustration effectively, it will be a lot more work for us to learn how to deal with it, but it is never impossible.
The up side of learning emotional intelligence? You hurt less people; You are less stressed, thereby being healthier and able to live longer; Your heart, your blood and your family will be thanking you for taking care of yourself and being able to be present in their lives a little longer, as well as adding to their levels of peace and harmony. In addition to all of this, you will grow and become more present in your own life, instead of living reactionally, to your past programming.
This might not be the easiest thing to do in your life, but trust me when I say that it will be the most valuable skill you can ever acquire. If, of course, growing as a person and living a long and healthy life is on your priority list, otherwise just forget I said anything.
The 2nd train of thought? Well, you can read more on it at Deliver the Value, Just Do It and also Proof that Anyone Can Just Do About Anything They Want. I will give you the gist though: Don't wait for the situation to be ideal, because that will most probably not happen in this lifetime. If you want to do something, go ahead and do it. You might find that you are no good at it, or mediocre, or perhaps you are a lost Van Gogh who comes to realise your greater calling. Who cares? Just as long as you are doing it. But don't get lost in the details either. Live now, in the moment. This is not to say that you should do NO planning or never look at the details, just not to let them stop you from being happy, from participating in life.
How did these 2 thoughts end up together? Possibly because they both deal with the unhappiness that we cause in our own lives, either through the battles that we wage or the things we don't do. It is also possible that they wove themselves together because they both deal with the excuses we tend to find for the way we live our lives, the pain we cause ourselves as well as others. Another possibility is that they both deal with growth, knowing ourselves and taking steps to healing ourselves, our regrets and our past. Whatever the reason, for today, these 2 belonged on one post. And sometimes you just have to trust the chaos.
***
Take this quote to heart on your journey through this marvelous life on this miracolous earth of ours:
On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know...
...that if you are going to fuss over things, it is important
to pick your battles.
The ideal, of course, would be to "fuss" over nothing.
But given that we are all human, that may not be possible.
What is possible is picking much more carefully the things
that we are prepared to make a fuss over.
Ask yourself: "How much difference will this make when
I'm 85?" If you think it will matter then, let it matter now.
If you make everything matter now, you may not get to
be 85.
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