I have to apologise: I didn't realise that it has been almost a month since I last posted. Sjeesh! time gets away from you. Was I having fun? Yeah. In my own way. Which consisted of mostly reading and drawing. I also made an arts and crafts box for Guppy. And we got some up close and personal time, with Sparky in Nigeria (which allows no space for me, and which I was ok with... most of the time).
Right now I just need to post in order to let everyone know I am alive and well ;). I will make a serious attempt to get to everyone's blog posts soon.
In any case: Here follows a post that has been brewing in my mind for quite some time; This has been a particular lesson in my life lately (coming through loud and clear in many forms), and the fact that it is still with weeks after it started, means I need to share, means that someone out there, needs this. Of course you might find that this will not resonate with you at all, and then you can just let it go, which is what this post is all about.
This is a message we hear constantly from our parents, form the world around us, and most particular to my life, in yoga:
do what you can
never harm yourself
honour your body's limits
whatever works for you
many paths; same destination
Another part of this is following our role models. We all have them: People we admire, who do great things or things that we wish we could. No matter who your role model is, he/she isn't you. And by forcing yourself into his/her shoes, you are denying your own true divinity, and your goal or part to play in this world.
PS - I am often times reminded of Van Gogh, who had such a struggle with what he wished he could be (a priest) and his talent and purpose from which he could not escape (his art). How torn in too; How lacking in peace till he died; How sad that a man that could provide such greatness, never felt great...
And along comes this piece of information that I have been privy to for years now (but sometimes you need someone to remind you of something that you already know):
You cannot change what you are not willing to accept.
|Ring the bells that still can ring. |
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
And this is the crux of it. If you are not willing to accept who you are now, make peace with the fact that you are not your idol, that what works for other people don't work for you, that your mother wasn't always right and that even when other people are right, sometimes you need to copy and paste from different sources in order to make your own way. BUT if it doesn't work for you, find what does work and never deny who you are.
This message is such a part of my bones at the moment...
and I wonder if I am being all that clear...
Suffice it to say that in the end I got the same message from several sources, proving just how badly I needed it, how unwilling I was to let go, and how many layers to this particular lesson there really are.
My Ayuverdic doctor: That I needed to empty myself of all that I knew, all that I was trying to so hard to be, in order to become who I am. He told me this tea cup story, which I enjoyed on so many levels, simply because there are so many answers and possibilities to this story: That we need to be empty of our opinions and stories in order to realise who we are; that we need to realise that book-knowledge cannot produce enlightenment or peace or any such thing; that when the answers you have isn't working, you can only receive new answers if you let go of the old... and so the list goes on.
And then we got Neal Donald Walsche's children's parable: The little soul and the sun; Reminding us all that we make soul choices long before we are born and that our relationship and interaction with other people is always of great importance and of great service, no matter how mundane it may seem at that moment.
Rain posted and made me realise the importance of doing what makes me come alive in my own way:
"Whatever is right for you, whatever is the way for you, will always bring life and entice your soul to awaken."
Much the same as my fellow yoga teacher, Monica reminded me that often times, the things inside us just need a chance to speak. Isn't this what the great masters also teach? That your emotions guide you and show you? That everything has a purpose? So why do we run so hard and long from that which we have been made to believe is not a healthy part of us (of course it can be unhealthy, but so can anything else...).
And then there was this story, about an ugly cat called Phoenix.Read it, but for those who do not want to,
"Phoenix says yes, you can touch others, you can bear witness, you can love those who come your way and are put in the same enclosure with you. You don't have to become a doctor, to travel to Africa and save whole villages (though it sure is great some people have the ability, isn't it?), but you don't have to feel useless if you are not that doctor, that politician, that amazing artist, any of those people you so admire. You don't have to be beautiful, or bright, or the best at anything. You just have to be willing to ignore any labels, and be the best lover to those around you you can be."
"There is, however, a problem with setting an intention to be authentic. You can't try to be yourself and you can't ask the question "how can I be a better self?" because that invites the reinforcement of the ego as well. If you can just relax and feel comfortable in not really knowing who and what you are, then you are moving back to the present moment, living an authentic life recognizable to yourself and all whom you have contact with."
All of this boils down to each person's journey being unique and personal; nothing is absolute; and the moment is all that counts.
|this is so cool and awesome and every other feeling that I should be able to express more eloquently...|