Journey Keeper

Review: Love, God, And The Art Of French Cooking

2012-02-11T20:43:00.001+02:00

Love, God, And The Art Of French Cooking by James F. Twyman

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Twyman sent out a 3 chapter teaser of this book before I got my hands on it, and I must admit that those 3 chapters had me hooked. Then I got my hands on the book and it ended up being a slight disappointment.

Love, God and the Art of French Cooking is a true account of Twyman's relations with a french cook that happens to take him under his wing after his girlfriend dumps him at the doorstep of the Bed and Breakfast owned by the french cook, Roger.

The story starts out pretty profoundly, but from about the middle it becomes a little droll and the subject matter (the spirituality of food) starts to be a little well done. I also found the fact that Twyman relates all Roger's teaching back to his search for romantic love to be a bit superficial with regards to the wonderful things that Roger related. Not that I am saying that romantic love and the search for a partner is not of importance in this world of ours, but I just personally thought he could have gotten a lot more insight had he looked a little deeper than just someone to grow old with. And I can't help thinking that maybe that is why he hasn't found anyone yet; But I am not one to learn the lessons of others.

It was an easy read about a guy gaining a few profound lessons from a chef who has learned to infuse everything with love; It had the potential to be an awesome book, but it isn't quite that. The 2 most valuable things I learned from this book was:
1) How and why to make coffee with a French Press.
2) "You are saying that it (abundance) comes from the heart, not the wallet. If abundance does not bring joy that spills over to others, then it really is nothing."

This book could have been a lot more with some deeper insight and possibly, a few recipes (it contains none for anyone who had this hope).

This is not a bad book to read; Someone else might find it more insightful than I did. I would recommend however, that you rather get it from the library than a personal copy.

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live life with passion

2012-02-07T10:00:00.002+02:00

Follow your bliss

Find your joy

Be happy

Follow your heart

I am a firm believer in all of these things, which are all mostly just the same thing said differently. In today's world though, it seems to be the hardest thing to do. People take jobs to pay the bills, not to be happy; Children study things that their parents motivate them to do, not the ones that lie in their heart; Employees get stuck in dead end jobs, but fear leaving it.

Of course I am not one to say we should live in squalor as long as you follow your bliss, which would start a rather vicious circle that would make your bliss not your bliss anymore anyway. No. People need money. They need electricity; food; homes; security; transportation; and many other things that may or may not seem important. But I do wonder if it really needs to be this hard...

This post is not about the unfairness of the big corporations, or people only seeing you as a machine or a number or whatever. This post is about being happy and the amount of people who aren't. Oh, we all have glimpses of it: When we get home; Spend time with our kids; Relax; Spend time doing our hobbies; etc. But very few people experience true bliss and joy through the major part of their day, whatever the reason.

For most people, their job is just something that pays the bills, not something that their hearts would set them out to do. And I wonder how we got so trapped in a system that only works because it keeps most people trapped. Wouldn't the world be such a wonderful place if it paid the teacher and the football player equally? Like set salaries based on the hours you put in, not necessarily on the job that you do. OK - I am not going to go into this too much because I am not this type of planner who can see all the faults and all the mechanisms.

All that I am trying to point out is that this world is such a sad place, but if people could work their talents, their real skills in ways that benefited themselves and those around them, we would have a lot less stress related diseases, a lot less depression and general discontent. There are those that say you should just do your job and be grateful for it and that you get paid to do your job so just get on with it. But I just think that a happy worker is a much more efficient worker (scientifically proven!) and that it would be nice if people didn't have to ponder mainly money when they chose a profession, or for parents to be able to leave their kids to develop their real talents rather than pushing them to make choices based on money and security (because parents are just scared for their kids, who are actually mostly able to do anything when young, and even if they aren't, can bounce back even better if something fails).

In any case: In my world at the moment, I am taking little steps to get to that point where my passion has become my daily activity, my life and my job. It would be nice if I could just give this talent of mine to the world (because I am so good at it and being good means it is my talent and it being my talent means that I should share it with the world which is what I would most like to do without it being dependent on money), but in our current system it needs to be linked to money in order for me to go on doing it.

I love what I do and the benefits that it can give - benefits that I believe is available to everyone, irrespective of whether you can touch your toes or not (if you have the time and have not done so, do visit my new yoga page). Of course I only do this part time. For now in any case.

Sometimes thought, things go a little bleak, and for those times you have to have your motivations in place already in order for you to remember why you need to keep on going. Here is how I motivate myself (this space is part of the space created during our clean up and re-organising at the end of 2011):

my writing space - along with my mistress, Ginger - not the prettiest or most designed space in the world, but it serves its purpose beautifully

affirmations retained from what was
going to be, our home birth room:
I am safe; Trust; I am able; Unclench;
Let go; I am available; Open up; I am peaceful;
Breathe; I am powerful; Relax;
I am calm; Release and Surrender

motivations, reminders, my peace candle,
mala beads and feathers that find
their way to me

my journal, cokis, coloured sticky notes
really anything that makes things
interesting and pretty

a reminder of why I am a greeny:
our world is to beautiful to destroy,
even in small ways
QUOTE: We don't inherit the earth from
our ancestors; We borrow it from our children.

Nausicaa and the Valley of the wind pic - reminds me of
freedom, peace and the journey to it
Beautiful quotes (one for me and one for this amazing universe)
and the one that you can't see so clearly says:
Do you know what you are?
You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have
passed, there has never been another child like you.
Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move.

my vision board: filled with yoga, silence, family time, support and
reminders to breathe, fill up with joy and to give

As I was writing at my desk the day before last, this piece opened up in my journal (for those that don't know, I print and paste various inspirational pieces in my journal randomly, and they miraculously come up when I need them most - although this piece could almost always be relevant for anyone):

Don't be afraid.
You needn't slay the beast not scale the entire mountain. That's not how it's done. You only need to move through today. Think of the distance you have already covered. Focus on your strengths. Let each new step remind you of freedom. Let every breath you take remind you of your power. Seek out friends and guides; they're anxious to help. You're not alone. You're understood. This road has been walked before. Dance life's dance, just a few steps at a time and in the ink of an eye you will wonder to yourself. "What beast, what mountain? Was I having a dream?"
Love you,
The Universe
We are so proud.

This is a rather long post, even though it has loads of pictures, and I don't want to keep you too long. BUT on the subject of living life with passion, isn't it great how life opens up new opportunities for you when you least expect it, but are the most ready for it.

The newest developments in my life are as follows:

I have been asked to develop a workshop on Yin Yoga - Yes! I can do it!

I have been asked to minister a Baby Naming Ceremony - Yes! I can do it!

I have been given my first official sketch commission (ok, so we still need to sort everything out, but this means there is an interest for this out there) - Yes! I can do it!

I got an overwhelming response to some new things that I proposed and planned: Regular Yoga workshops for the people that I teach in our estate; Corporate gifts bags (see GT's blogs for more on these)

Isn't this just the way life goes. Maybe I am not really meant to focus on any one item, but on a myriad of things (because we have discussed my multi talented self ample time, and this would be a wondrous way to keep life moving and interesting all the time).

Lastly - last night we were doing yoga (this would be Sparky and I) and as we go into one-legged prayer pose, and from there into tree, I softly reminded Sparky that he should not push himself to the point of harming himself, but rather listen to his body, do what he is able and comfortable with. At which point the radio of the security guard doing his round through the estate, goes off and babbles something incoherently, but very loadly. To which Sparky quips: Was that your body or mine?

Reminding me, that even in things that I take as seriously as yoga, there is always a lightness to remember and allow.

I hope everyone who reads this blog is blessed with finding and being able to follow their bliss, their hearts and to find the manifestation of love in all that they do. From my heart to yours.

Review: The Winner Stands Alone

2012-01-26T10:51:00.001+02:00

The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I love Paulo Coelho and one of the reasons that I do is because all his books contain a very specific message. He is not bound to writing just fiction, but has incorporated some fantasy into some of his books and he has also written factual books about his personal journey. This book markedly stands out from the rest, both because of the topic, the environment it is set in and the manner in which it ends.

The Winner Stands Alone though, is a fictional story, set during the Cannes Festival, and like all PC stories it is wrapped in meaning.

There are 4 main characters, 3 of which have succumbed to the manipulations of the world they want to be a part of: The world of money, power, and fashion; The Hollywood world of fame and fortune that we are sold through the media; The world filled with drama, money and bodyguards as seen on reality television and the front page of celebrity magazines.

It starts with Igor, a billionaire from Russia arriving at the Cannes Festival to win back his ex wife, Ewa. He plans to do so by "destroying worlds" for her (i.e. killing people). Igor is probably the most discussed character of this book, and he brings up a very interesting question: Is right and wrong something that you set for yourself, and if so, to what extent?
Hamid Hussain is Ewa's new husband, who lives in constant fear of losing her. Ewa herself is characterized as a supporting character, and in her we find a stereotype for many women out there.
Gabriela wants to be an actress and, like so many others, travels to the Cannes in order to realise her dream.
A model, and the new face for HH (Hamid Hussain Fashion House), Jasmine escaped into the fashion world in order to create a safer world for herself and her mother.

Of these 4, 1 will die, and of 3 that remain alive, only one will be truthful to their dreams and who they really are.

This book has been wonderfully researched and throughout, each character (both main and sub) brings forth their own musings about the world they (we) live in, how they got there, why they remain there and what they dream(ed) of. PC touches on the power that money has to trap people, the ways in which average people are duped into desiring the lifestyles that they are sold, and although his main spectrum with regards to the trap of money, is the Superclass (the moviestars, producers, millionaires, etc.), it can be reflected back to almost every average person that deals with bills and responsibilities, who has dreams they feel they can't follow due to the life that binds them.

This brings to light a lot of opinions about the fashion industry, the marketing industry, the truth about what we think we see in Hollywood and the so-called Superclass of the world and the ways in which we are manipulated, as witnesses to this world, so that some person somewhere can make a bucket load of money off our desires. Of course, this is all a very gross generalisation, and there are always exceptions to every rule, but in this book, the generalisation is the topic of discussion. Whether or not you will agree with the opinions that are brought into discussion, is a personal matter but at the very least, it is thought provoking.

In addition to thinking a little, for some out of the box, for some affirming what they might already suspect, the reader is also privy to information on how the system works in this world, and how it is sold to the masses on the outside. Personally, I love gaining knowledge, especially when said knowledge is aimed at liberating my mind. I will never look at a box office hit in quite the same way.

A truly insightful book throughout, the only reason why I am withholding one star is because the ending left me mystified. As stated above, PC writes a message into all of his tales, and this story is no exception. In addition, you also get the various opinions and thoughts throughout the book, but then ... the story ends. You get half of the message from the one character left in truth, sure, but the actual ending on the very last page left me sleepless on the night I finished it, wondering how it ties in to the overall message of the story. You might think that you have an idea of what the message will be throughout the book, but when it actually ends, you find that all your ideas are suddenly null and void with respect to the very last page. Of course you could take the final page out of the equation and be left with a clear cut message all on its own, but PC is not likely to have written it without a very specific reason. There is also the probability that the very last page is a message all on its own and then you have at least one sound message from this book, and one page of obscurity.

Some people enjoy books and stories that are open ended like this one. Perhaps I think too much, or perhaps I am missing something (please let me know if you think you know what it is), but this ending left me baffled, not necessarily in a bad way, but with an intense desire to know and with no idea where to get the answer.

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2012 expectations

2012-01-25T10:46:00.001+02:00

It seems that all my posts on 2012 take forever to get written, getting lost and finding time and inspiration all being culprits in delaying the post, but in the end I just have to trust and remember that all things arrive when they are due. In any case, here are my views for 2012 (let me just say that I am not a prophet of any kind, I did not read cards to come to the conclusions below, or any such thing, these are all just things that I can feel in my bones, and when my bones start talking, I pay attention):

Fist off, I felt an immense energy influx (like goosebumps, only for no apparent reason) during the last part of 2011, as I did in 2010 as well, except much more intense. For me personally, the energy influx did not subside, but rather stabilised up to where we find ourselves now, with January almost done. (2012 seems to be moving even faster than 2011, much like a wave does as it starts to move towards its apex)

I think 2012 will be the manifestation of whatever 2011 prepared us for. It will be different for everyone, but 2011 was a year of confusion, questions, quests for answers and most of society taking a very strong look at what is going on, both in their personal lives and in our mutual structures, and being honest about what is working and what is not working. We saw peace movements, Occupy movement, Yoga for Peace and many other movements that gathered people together to ask for change.

In 2012 I believe that we will begin to see these changes take effect. Don't sit around and wait for the revolutions to start, because I don't think it will happen that way. Most people don't like change and dig in against it with all their might (that has never been different in any part of our history). I believe they will find themselves unable to halt it, and yes, there will be arguments and negotiations and pleas, and some people might even get hurt physically, but I don't believe there will full scale wars. I might be wrong though, but more and more an awareness of peace is becoming a part of the way we want our world to operate.

Having said this, I am always reminding myself to be aware of The Mob. It is so easy to get swept up in the fear of others, but reconnecting to your Source will remind you that love always (ALWAYS) wins in the end.

I personally believe that 2012 will be a year of acceptance as we will come to realise more and more that the world we see is the world within that is being reflected back to us. It is going to be such a powerful year. People are asking for change, people are demanding change, people are doing what they need to in order to change and it will take time to get things as they should be, but it will start. In these last few weeks, I have connected with many people who prove me right in this aspect at least. It is an amazing time to live in!

Up until today, this 25th day of the year thus far, I have felt wonderfully energised, even when dead tired; I have been motivated and getting things done like it is nobody's business; my routines have mostly stayed in place although here and there I have had to tweak a few things (because life is never as simple as fitting into a routine, even if the organiser of said routine is me); I have found balance and harmony, even when things seem a little of beat; but I have also come to the conclusion and actual implementation, that small steps get your there although sometimes you may find yourself taking fast small steps or slow small steps, but never overly big steps that don't allow for any assimilation to take place. Oh, and also, I have found that joy can be injected into everything, and that having an off day is just a part of being in balance (the only people who can / could be happy all the time were called masters for a reason).

Lastly, I would like to share the two new pages that I have created, and which you may or may not find to be of interest:
Yoga - For most of last year I put of writing a piece about yoga: what it does, why it works and what it means to me. But when I finally wanted to write the piece, I realised that it had to be page, so that people could always see this very important part of my life.
Sai Baba on 2012 - I am not a Sai Baba Follower, although I have great respect for him just like I do for all the masters that have walked out earth. This piece was interesting, clear and I loved his warehouse metaphor, so I thought I would share it with everyone. I may or may not take it down in 2013.

Our origin, our truth, our source, is pure light. That is who we are. Which leads to the question that is perhaps not asked enough... Did we come here to play in the darkness that is not our Truth... Or did we come here to learn how be our pure light within the darkness? ~ Lauren Zimmerman

Review: Confucius from the Heart: Ancient Wisdom for Today's World

2012-01-19T11:02:00.001+02:00

Confucius from the Heart: Ancient Wisdom for Today's World by Yu dan

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

This is a difficult one: I found the teachings of Confucius insightful, but the writing style put me off. I am making the assumption that this is both because of the fact that Yu Dan is a professor in China - this just means that English is not her first language - as well as the fact that this was a "personal interpretation" of the Analects of Confucius.

Nowhere on the book does it stipulate that this book was a translation, but if it was, I could attribute the writing style to a less than great translator. However, if it wasn't, it begs the question: Why would she write in a language that is not her first language? As well as: Did the editor not foresee this problem, or was the editor happy with the level of writing, or was the editor perhaps Chinese as well? A lot goes lost when you are writing in a language that you learned intellectually.

Having said that, the contents of the book is about the teaching of Confucius. He said a lot of things that made (makes) sense, even in today's world. I missed a practical section though; It is all well and good to know what the wise man said, but the wise man taught and discussed these things all day long: How can his wisdom be applied in the daily life of a person? How can his wisdom be applied to the modern western world, where your word does not mean as much as it does in China, for instance?

After reading this book, I knew a bit about what Confucius said. That is just about all. I can't help but think that I could have learned a lot more about him and his teachings from a much more insightful book.

This was not so much time wasted as time that could have been much better used. This is not a book that I will hold on to, nor one that I feel the desire to recommend to anyone.

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2011 Reflections

2012-01-11T10:39:00.000+02:00

Those who have been regulars to my blog, know that I don't do New Year's Resolutions. Instead I like to reflect on the year gone by and my achievements, which is why this linky party suites me well.

2011, for me, has been a year of much clarity, mostly because it has been so fill off confusion. Sounds like a contradiction right? It really isn't. In 2011, by being extremely clear to start with, then extremely confused, overbooked and complicated, I finally got to a point where I realised what is most important, how to simplify things into what is most important, and how to let go of those that weren't. This all got me to a point of extreme clarity.

If you pressed me however, I would not be able to define this clarity for you. There are no clear cut goals or end marks or anything that I am now setting out to do. What I learned during 2011 is that is is all about the journey. It doesn't really matter which method you use to get yourself home, just as long as you can bring yourself to peace with it, share the experience as you go and always be willing to learn and grow. Of course sometimes we need to move to a place where the view is more to our liking and the energy more conducive to our growth, but in between not moving, opting to move, and actually moving, we always have the choice to be happy and grateful where we are (for where we are is always where we need to be). And that is the experience of the journey which you will always be the master of.

I learned so many things during 2011 (as in actual educational type things), but what I learned most of all is what I myself believe with regards to all the things that I learned. Mostly, I learned that I don't believe that anything fits in a box; Each person's journey is different in this world, so something that works for you, might not work for me. Having said this, I also learned that when you are working towards something specific, it is usually a good idea to start with what worked for someone else as it gives you a point of reference from where you can go forth and explore what works for you more specifically, whereas just jumping in wherever usually leaves you floundering.

I also learned that you have to keep on learning. This world is always changing, don't ever accept that what you know now will remain constant or else you just might find yourself being the idiot that is denying Newton's gravity theory or Galileo's Earth-Revolves-Around-The-Sun Theory, or even the one that maintains that the world is flat. If you don't open yourself to the wonder of our ever changing world, our ever changing knowledge, you could well end up being that person. And who wants to be that person? You don't have to know everything in this world. Heck, we find out things so fast these days, your knowledge would be obsolete in a day or two. No. Rather just be willing to accept that when something you did not know before crosses your path, it might be a memo from The Universe on something that you need to know, or realise, NOW. Also, being open now, allows you to remain open your whole life, whereas denying something now, starts the process of closing yourself off (the main reason why old people can't learn new things like computers).

Towards the end of 2011, my greatest gift was in simplifying my life, learning what was important enough to keep and which things, no matter how much I loved them, I just had to let go off. Sacrifice is probably the word I am looking for. But despite having had to give up a few things and let go of a few others, I also learned that the joy of having time for that which truly enriches my life, far outweighs the sacrifice that had to be made. Of course, there is also the truth that true joy lies in the simplest of things, so by cutting a few ideas about "that which would make me happy if only I didn't feel burnt out by having to do it all", I got to revel in the few things left over that truly brought me joy.

In the last few weeks of December, I also put in some physical energy and just "got things done". For almost the whole month, I did not relax in front of the television when tired; I did not make excuses for not doing things; I took stock of what needed to change, and I made those changes; I did energy meditations and yoga even when I was dead tired (which went a long way to reminding me that yoga solves a lot of problems, especially fatigue); I made healthy changes, and yeah, Sparky is puffed up about a few things, but like I told him: You don't need to do this if you don't want to, but you want to because you have been asking about it, feeling uncomfortable with the way things are and the changes are just .. well, changes - now you just have to ask yourself how much do you want it.

So we did what we had to: Some mental clearing; Some physical endeavors; Some routine changes and adaptions; some attitude changes about certain things and wallah! We (I) felt our space open up, both personally and as a family, for a whole new range of experiences to come our way in the new year.

The energy build up towards 2012 was massive, and I participated in a host of wondrous events to celebrate all of these things, and felt the collective consciousness becoming more and more empowered. This year (more so than 2011) is filled with promises and expectations, but that's another story.

2012

2012-01-03T13:08:00.001+02:00

Well, this has been an interesting post, to say the very least. It was meant to be a Christmas post, then a pre-2012 post, then a New Year's post, then I finally got round to writing it last night only to lose it for some obscure reason known only to Firefox on my brand new Mac... What can I say? If this post gets published today, then today was the day it was meant to be.

First off, let me just start by wishing everyone [had] a very merry Christmas. Personally, the last couple of weeks felt like a huge build up of energy. For me it ended with an enormous amount of preparation for what I want my life to be in 2012, onward, as well as just a general "getting things done and off the to-do-list" type of energy. Here's the shortlist of what we accomplished (and I say we, because without Sparky things would have taken forever to move and Guppy also did her share, although sometimes it was a bit hard to fathom what that part was going to accomplish, but we trusted that all things have their purpose):

We split my (then) current study set up into 2 different parts: Moving all the arts and crafts into the very empty guest room, along with our personal and business files. Our guest room is now officially the art room (or the room for unpacking every single mosaic tile every other hour so that mommy has done more sorting in one day than in her whole life... almost, anyway). And this is such an amazing experience: I get to craft, then leave it until I have a chance to continue. It also utilizes time much more efficiently, because there is no need to pack or unpack, I can stop and start a million times a day and not have to worry because tomorrow morning I want to do yoga and my mosaic project is taking up half the room. And that brings us to the other split: In the room that stayed behind, I put in only my rocking chair. And after everything had been removed, all that remained is this chair, my books, the piano and the stock from Gentle Trader, which I neatly covered. I now have a reading/meditation/yoga room. Awesomest!

Other than that, we also [finally] put up our Wall of Fame. Which sounds very impressive, but in actual fact it is only a box filled with framed photographs from our [mainly my] life, but which has been tripped over in our hallway for 4 years now. That was one huge FINALLY in our life.We even put up the photos in Sparky's bar. All in one day. This is the hallway Wall of fame.

It looks ok. Ish. But I am just happy it is done. It has never been perfect in any one of my homes, anyway.

I started the mosaic for our guest bathroom that I had been meaning to get to for ages now. It would have been finished, but for the fact that I measured incorrectly, bought the wrong amount of tiles for the background and couldn't find the same colour anywhere. But being creative has its perks, so after much footstomping and despairing, I realised that nothing was actually against me, I found ample gifts that day, even if they did not include the correct tile, and that I am smart enough to come up with another solution. And I did. Watch Talking to Trees for future updates on this project.

Some of the gifts that I found while looking for this turquoise tile, are: The most beautiful table cloth; Throws for our couches at a huge bargain; The perfect knick knack for our guest bathroom. So as you can see, I really can't complain.

isn't it just perfect?

I implemented the routine that I would like my life to fall into, reasoning that if I started on holiday, it would be much easier to keep to once I started working again. I have shifted a few things in order to help myself and my family this year, and prevent this general feeling of burnout. There should be no need for it, although it does entail doing bits of work constantly, as opposed to trying to get it all in one go. Generally I am quite good with doing the work and keeping to the routine, but in between a toddler and life, the routine sometimes has its own time frame. So I have made space for this as well

We did loads of other stuff as well, this is just the list of the big stuff, but by far the best thing ever, was the amount of time we got to spend with Guppy. We saw the Nutcracker on Ice with her (at 3 years old, we have no problem taking her to a concert, as long as there is dancing and music); We went to the park with her; We tried to keep her clothed much of the time (she has learned to both dress and undress herself - fun!); We ate breakfast together every morning; We made food; We played and everyone got to go to music school on one fine day.

music school: everyone had to be there, even the purple rabbit which you can't see ...

And that was my holiday.

As for the new year: Those that have followed me for a while now, know that I am not one for Resolutions, but prefer to look back on my accomplishments. This year though, I feel like getting through 2011 without a nervous break down, was accomplishment enough. 2012 for me is all about simplicity, and looking back, 2011 was all about learning how to get there. I also feel that there is an enormous energy spike for 2012. Does anyone else share this feeling? I think 2012 is going to bring a lot of clarity. I think it is going to be brilliant. Watch this space for my personal expectations for 2012.

So in conclusion of this exceptionally long post, I would like to say thank you for a few things from 2011:

For my father: his unexpected change of mind and support of my personal desire to change a few things.
For my mother, sister and brother, just for being there.
For Sparky, for handling me and my dilemmas this year like pro.
For Guppy for love and growth.
For every single person that affected my life, whether visibly or not: Relations give us opportunities to express who we are, and I would like to thank and send out a blessing to every single soul, truly and sincerely, for being teachers to my life this past year (and my whole life).
For yoga, my teacher Charene; my fellow teachers in training, my fellow teachers and my students.
For financial stability.
For the profit of Gentle Trader (only a little, but FINALLY).
For every opportunity, for every window and every step that I was gifted.

My wish for everyone for 2012, and beyond, is abundant blessings, perfect peace and showers of love for their life.

~ namaste ~

the best advice i ever got

2011-12-19T12:51:00.000+02:00

would be: relax and remember to breathe.

So after my tangent in the last post, I planned to do just that. And I did. I had previously booked a Yoga Workshop for the Saturday (10th) and it was probably the best thing I ever did: Meditation; Stress Release; an almost 2 hour Yoga class; Organic Food; World Cafe; and a drumming session. Sometimes your soul knows what you are going to need, long before you actually need it... (err, sometimes?)

Inhale, and God approaches you. Hold the inhalation, and God remains with you. Exhale, and you approach God. Hold the inhalation, and surrender to God. ~ Krishnamacharya

How much peace can you attain in a day? Muchos. By the end of the day I was, once again, reminded of the fact that we never get just one chance, and that things are always as they are meant to be. We had what they call a World Cafe, which is basically just a lot of people sitting at tables of about 4 or 5 and then changing every 20 minutes or so, discussing questions raised by the facilitator. When you open yourself up to it, strangers have a lot to say about the things happening in your life, without you ever actually telling them what is going on in your life. I wisened up a bit, and of course the breathing and the meditation before hand did a lot to improve my openness to The Universe's notes on my life :)

In the end, I left with one profound peace of Truth to take into 2012: Trust the Process; Trust yourself.

Here are some other things I picked up which really helped me

All in all, the weekend provided the perfect space for me to be in, to cancel out most of the noise in my life, and to just allow things to breathe. Once Sunday night rolled past, things were, for lack of a better word, zen again.

Oh! And for the workshop, we each received a little gift back in which we each got an Amethyst with this little note tied onto it:

please note the 2nd last line: Allows one to let go and trust...

All in all, that whole weekend worked out just to remind me that things move as they should and that if things make me uncomfortable, I needn't do them. Patience is key; I just have to trust.

lotus flowers on the pond

relaxing by the pond

~ namaste ~

x

2011-12-09T08:47:00.001+02:00

as you can see, this post has no title. I am very unable to decide what to name this particular piece. The only thing that I can come up with is 'stupid stupid stupid', and who wants anything so very negative taking up space in the great unknown that is "The Blogger Server" forever. Or at least until the world ends, which right now seems to be next year sometime. Like all things this too shall pass, and who needs a reminder of the times that we did not feel as good.

funny guy, great series - rather feeling like he is talking to me right now...

The last couple of weeks it feels as if I have been pacing the lounge area of insanity. There are so many things that is bringing on this general feeling, but here is the shortlist (please forgive me while I take some time to be a little less than positive):

Major Burnout: I will not bore you with everything that I had to do. Suffice it to say it was an 8 hour work day, plus studies, teaching classes as well as attending teacher training, having had no holiday as all my leave was required for days that Guppy was sick or I absolute had to take some in order to do whatever and I was already over extended to start this year with, I am finally at a point where I feel like moving to the Himalayas and setting up camp in a cave somewhere.

I am in the process of finding a way to do what I love, but at the moment each option that is opened is simply opening another time span of working every single hour of the day, seeing my child only for a half an hour each evening and that is not even including my studies that need to be kept up in order to be concluded. Which is fine if you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, or a time in the foreseeable future when the hours will be more flexible or a little less, but the only light I saw has just blown a fuse, so right now it feels like I am doing this without ever going to be able to what I love ONLY, instead of juggling 10 (it was 10 000, but I don't want to exaggerate things that are already very dramatic as they are) things all at once. This process leaves me asking things like: Is this really where I am suppose to be? How much of a struggle is it suppose to be to do something which was both something that you love as well as a life's purpose?

At this moment I am not sure at all that all this effort, although Guppy is the main reason for doing this, is serving either me or her or ever will. I don't know whether to put in the effort and cross my fingers that everything will be ok in a year or 2 (and whether the damage done NOW will be excused or fixed by the gains of THEN) and we'll have more time together, or whether to stop everything, continue with the same old thing as everyone else does until she leaves us and just hope that we can sustain a close relationship from that. Either way, the questions are: How fair is either option to me or to her? How much will she hate me for having done either? How much do I hate my parents for not being able to spend time with me? The last question is actually the only one I can answer: I don't hate my parents, but I also don't have the kind of relationship with them that I am now working to get with my daughter.

what do I want her to see and look up to?

There will be no more children for us simply because as it is, I have to ask myself how on earth am I going to fit in 2 or more kids into this non-existing life of mine? And this is the answer irrespective of the choice that is made from no 3. This is also the only question to which I have actually gained an answer from this muck that I am finding myself in right now.

Along with Major Burnout, this is a very important aspect in my life right now as well: I keep on falling into old habits. It feels like I have learned nothing in the last 6 years; that I am unable to sustain any development that takes / has taken place; like I know nothing and constantly have to be reminded of anything that, once said, I realise I am fully aware of. Feeling very stupid; majorly unenlightened, is probably the best way to put it. Probably more so because even when I am reminded of what I know, I am currently unable to bring any of it into application. I just don't want to.

As if I just needed another thing in my life to make it clear how very stupid I actually am, I signed up for another 2 subject of English Lit next year. Why? Because I trusted things would work out. Because I thought if I just showed a little faith that things would be better next year, then things actually would. Remembered it this morning after the fuse from the light at the end of the tunnel blew and it is all I can do to keep myself from banging my head against the wall.

Getting so many messages about taking risks and chances, but with no one to back me up and everything showing up against taking this chance and this risk, once more I am faced with the question: Am I being daft in not jumping to these messages? or am I daft for contemplating it? do you take the risk and just aim your actions towards where the light just blew its fuse? or are all these messages aimed at another light which is, as yet, not visible? Feeling like there is a dopey cartoon inside of me hopping from leg to leg and going "Which way do I go? Which way do I go?".

So that is just me at this moment. Not wanting to be too negative, but finding it hard to keep things very positive. Which leaves me in ... Limbo? Yeah, that feels about right...

Figuring things out is not the problem. I know things always do have a way of becoming clear. BUT figuring things out BEFORE you get trapped in a place that you ultimately decide you don't want to be in, that is the real pressure.

Hoping everyone has an awesome and blessed weekend. I am going to attempt to have a mindless one, at the very least, and cross my fingers that things will look better on Monday.

using every method of motivation available, and some are really inspirational, event if they don't provide a clear cut answer

each new day

2011-12-02T14:29:00.001+02:00

I have just finished reading The Sandalwood Tree by Elle Newmark. And it was a brilliant read. Not only did I learn a few things about India and its History, but I also got a couple of excellent life lessons.

And excerpt if you please:

"We choose how we will meet each day, just that day, and those choices, those days, they add up and they are our lives. But some day we're going to die. We don't have the time to be... like this."

and one more:

"vowing to scrap the rules and live a life of joy, no matter what the price."

at anther time, the main character has a discussion with a Buddhist and she asks him whether he thinks there is a heaven, and he answers (more or less to this effect): That he is not sure about heaven, but that he knows for sure that we were given this life with a purpose. And then, that to him the purpose of life is to live a beautiful life.

That is my wish for you all and for myself: To live for joy at all times, to drop the issues because there is NO TIME to get caught up all the stuff that keeps us unhappy, angry and resentful, and to end up with a life that can be described as beautiful, if nothing else.

~ Namaste ~

PS - if you happen to have the time, do pop over to my other blogs:

Talking to Trees

Gentle Trader

synchronisity

2011-11-18T12:21:00.001+02:00

Steve Jobs said that you can only connect the dots of your life backwards. He was so right and if you haven't yet heard his speech, then go have a look for it on YouTube. Very wise words from that man.

I know I have posted about this before, but seeing the connections between us on a daily basis keeps on amazing me. And once you start, it seems that you can't stop; They become more and more obvious every day.

I LOVE being so connected.

My latest connection is a guy that asked me to help him out with some marketing ideas. I won't bother you with the details of the case. We met though and after some time he gave me his old, but then also his new email address. The new address was an @hope address. My name means hope, in Russian.

Well now, you might say I am reading too much into it, but taking into account what a great connection I made overall, and what a positive vibration I got from the meeting, I don't think it is reading too much, I think of it as confirmation of a Universal Intention.

Interestingly enough, he wasn't the only person who asked me to help out with marketing in that day. This of course brought me to asking why now? This seems to be something that is coming up more and more for me now, and I am not yet in a position to accept all of these, simply because I don't have any time to help anyone, but I am keeping these options open for the time being. Or at least the 2 that are so very connected in time.

Want more? OK. I follow a blog called ForestWalkArt, run by someone who's nature pictures are most fascinating and very unusual, making them so much more beautiful. Also, she photographs spiders, which I love and which very few people do. She also has a habit of collecting bones and using them for her art. I started reading a book called "Women who run with the wolves", by Clarissa Pinkola Estes and the very first chapter was about The Bone Women. Rather intense reading, but the more I read it, the more I thought of my friend and the reasons why she collected her bones. Long story short, I sent her some pages as a matter of interest and as we got to talking, I told her that my one of my totem animals is the Wolf, the other being a turtle. Low and behold, it turns out hers are exactly the same animals. I have been following her for so long and I never even knew this. It took this book to bring us a little closer to why we are so drawn to one another... Let me just add that very few people have TWO totem animals at their disposal, so the fact that we have both the same ones, makes it even more special.

Well, I think it is special anyway. And if you miss the small connections, you will miss the big connections. And in the end, all connections are miracles. It is as simple and as complicated as that.

On another note of connectiveness, here is some advice from a tree.

** much love and many hugs **

doing the best I know how...

2011-11-09T11:29:00.000+02:00

This past Sunday, I attended a beautiful meditation session. It was led by a guy named Keith and it was aimed at sending love and goodness to the earth. Keith is a soul reader, and the words he spoke after the session was a real eye opener for me. It was also obviously a message that I needed to hear, as it has guided me over the past 3 days since then.

Keith lightly berated us for being so very hard on ourselves. We are only human after all and life is never as serious as we tend to make it. Sure we make mistakes (or what we perceive are mistakes, but remember Steve Jobs said you can only ever connect the dots backwards), and there are always precautions to take, but at the end of the day, God (in whatever form you hold her to be for you) sent us out to play, to enjoy and experience life. But we tend to face life almost with the same atmosphere that we face a job: Something that has to be done in order to make certain ends meet.

What we need to realise is that we have not received most of what we believe we should in this life, whether spiritually or physically or financially. In addition to that, we need to open our eyes and perceive that we are our own blockers in this regard. We believe for some reason that we are not good enough, that we don't deserve something(s), that we are stuck in our fate or a test from God etc. We have fallen for the greatest lie of that this world has ever told: That we are not good enough.

Through this lie, we end up blocking ourselves for anything that might come our way, telling ourselves things like "I haven't worked hard enough yet" or "I don't have the finances yet" or "I should be more careful"... You know the story you are telling yourself. Even if you are open minded, you have been fed this story about an angry father figure sitting up somewhere, just waiting for you to do screw it up (irrespective of your religious background, we all have this patriarchal message running subliminally in some form or another in our lives). You believe that every time you fail, it is either a test or a punishment sent from God. In my opinion, this is not so - I know in my bones, in my blood and in the beating of my heart, that this is not true.

For a moment see yourself as a parent, and know that when your children are sent outside to play, they get hurt, they learn, they grow. You don't watch them to see them fail or to punish them when they get it wrong. You watch them to make sure they are ok, to remind them that you are there, to help them up when they fall and to guide them to the best grounds for playing in. You love them all the time, you hug them and hold them close when they return and the next day you send them out again, loving them all the time and hoping they will remember to be strong, yet loving, clever, yet playful. And this, for me, is the earthly plain I was incarnated on, and the God I came from. The crux of it anyway. God does not punish or test me, so why should I?

So, as I am still learning and growing, I have now began telling myself whenever I need to "you are ok, you always do the best you know how", irrespective of the action or the outcome. I take full responsibility for my life, for my actions; The great ones and the idiotic ones, knowing full well that each and every step I take, has something that I need to be reminded of, something that I need to remember, something that God is whispering in my ear, something that, if I resist it, will only make my life harder and make that voice come a little loader. I am willing to grow into my full spiritual potential, and for now, that is all that is expected of me.

Lastly, I would like to share the prayer that we meditated on. It is by St. Francis Assisi. Before I share this though, I would like to share that this Friday, 11.11.11 will be a special moment at 11.11 am in your local time. Millions of people will be meditating and praying on this day, and irrespective of whether you believe in the specialness of the date itself or not, we have all read the scientific findings about the power that resides in mass prayer/meditation. If you have a minute to spare around this time, please take the time to say the prayer, or chant OM for 10 minutes or anything else that you are available to do, then at 11.11, spend a minute in silence, and just feel the energy shifting.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

And just because it reads so beautifully, here is the original French version:

Seigneur, faites de moi un instrument de votre paix.

Là où il y a de la haine, que je mette l'amour.

Là où il y a l'offense, que je mette le pardon.

Là où il y a la discorde, que je mette l'union.

Là où il y a l'erreur, que je mette la vérité.

Là où il y a le doute, que je mette la foi.

Là où il y a le désespoir, que je mette l'espérance.

Là où il y a les ténèbres, que je mette votre lumière.

Là où il y a la tristesse, que je mette la joie.

Ô Maître, que je ne cherche pas tant à être consolé qu'à consoler,

à être compris qu'à comprendre,

à être aimé qu'à aimer,

car c'est en donnant qu'on reçoit,

c'est en s'oubliant qu'on trouve, c'est en pardonnant qu'on est pardonné,

c'est en mourant qu'on ressuscite à l'éternelle vie.

Namaste

small minded

2011-10-24T17:00:00.000+02:00

Of course we all think that our mind is the most powerful muscle in our bodies, and it might well be, but more and more I am seeing the evidence that our minds are in actual fact (or perhaps just in my humble opinion), more like computers that anything else. Meaning it doesn't actual do a lot of thinking, it is simply running on our programming. Of course we would like to think that we all think for ourselves, have a little bit of savvy and that our brains are at least operating at about 10 % of its potential.

But I don't really think that is the case.

Oh, go ahead and protest, but before you do, let me give you the following information:

When we eat off small plates or with big forks, our minds can be tricked into 'letting' us eat less.
Now matter that the time might be the same, when we exercise on machines or in gyms, we burn less calories than outside. We like scenery. Apparently.
Our mind can fill in gaps (like when we leave out certain letters of a word) i.e. it remembers patterns and instills them when it feels the need.
People are often given placebos and miraculously heal themselves. Well, not often, but it has happened.
We tend to make assumptions and our minds bases our reaction to current events on things that happened in the past (not always wrong, but not always right either especially when your crying at Christmas due to a pony you didn't get when you were 2).

I could go on and on, but I think you get the gist here.

Much like a muscle, I also think that most of us have let ourselves go. Just go ahead and try to think outside the box, or outside of your comfort zone. Just become aware of how attached your brain is to the way it works. It doesn't even like thinking for itself. It likes patterns and assumptions.

The conclusion that I have reached is that we are, in fact, not our minds. We are not our beliefs, our opinions or our most sacred held ideas. If someone were to come and strip all of those tings away from you, that with which you are left, the One that has been watching from behind the scenes all this time, the One that knows what life is all about and has been soaking up every experience with vigour, that is the real you.

Our minds are simply a tool that was created to help us cope in this reality where time is linear, physical bodies need to be kept and ties are made in order to learn and experience even more.

How would you exercise your mind? The single most effective way is meditation. You can read up on it on Google if you like, my blog is by no means large enough to cover all that it can do for you. There is nothing that meditation is not good for, there is no danger in meditation, no side-effects, no religious ties (despite popular western opinion) and you don't need to have or do or pay anything to do it (except perhaps a small initial cost to get you going if you don't know how, but there are people who do it for free and failing all else, there is always Google).

Meditation brings you into contact with the awareness that is you, whilst also allowing you to bring your mind under control, clear it and make it the best tool at your disposal, just as it was meant to be, instead of the auto pilot driving all your reactions based on files that should have been shredded long ago....

There are other means. This is just the speedtrain to the destination.

Tibet

2011-10-19T17:00:00.000+02:00

Today I would just like to create some awareness.

The other day I posted this on my FB:

"If one person wins and another person fails, we all fail. I win only if and when everybody else wins too. If my freedom means someone else is shackled, I am still bound. This is not to say that I can free anyone else. Everyone needs to free and heal themselves on their own ultimately, but it should never be at the expense of others - human or animal. We live on this planet together and sometimes, when we see clearly, we remember that we are all one, all made up of the same stuff."

I have no idea who to attribute this too though...

I don't know why Tibet has been shackled, or why they are not allowed to be free in this world that we are currently living in, where peace and freedom are such outspoken desires. I don't presume to know what either party in this particular world event has to learn or to gain from this experience. I do however, think that release has been long overdo; That even more can be attained and learned by the freedom of all.

This is the message I got last night:

Dear Friends of Tibet
Greetings from Office of Tibet, Pretoria!!
Tibetan people in Tibet find China’s occupation and repression beyond their tolerance. The situation in Tibet has gone worse since 2008, which has led Phuntsok to sacrifice himself by setting on fire.
Now this acts has become the ultimate sacrifice one could offer for one’s nation. This year, since 16 March 2011, eight young Tibetans self-immolated – out of which 4 martyrs passed away and 4 are not known about their whereabouts. Detail as under:
1. Lobsang Phuntsok, age 21, set himself on fire on March 2011. He passed away.
2. Tsewang Norbu, age 29, on 15 August, 2011. He passed away.
3. Khaying, age 18, on 07 October, 2011. He passed away.
4. Choephel, age 19, on 7 October, 2011. He passed away.
5. Lobsang Kelsang, 18, 26 September 2011. Not know about his whereabouts
6. Lobsang Kunchok, age 19, 26 September 2011. Not know about his whereabouts
7. Kelsang ‘Wangchuk, age 17, 3 October 2011, Not know about his whereabouts.
8. Norbu Damdul, age 19, on 15 October, 2011. Not know about his whereabouts.
Central Tibetan Administration and Tibetan Parliament-in-Exile have jointly planned activities through out the world to highlight the deepening crisis in Tibet. And on the 19.10.2011, we are offering a day-long prayers through out world at a time for the deceases and all those who are suffering as a gesture of solidarity with Tibetan in Tibet.
Hence, we request you to kindly help us circulate the message to our friends, to join us on pray either by physically or by spiritually on the day – 19.10.2011.
With regards,
For Office of Tibet
Tenzin Kunsang.

Use it or don't use it, you have your reasons which are valid for you. I am simply getting the word out and spreading a little knowledge, so that people may know what is happening in the world and that, despite their feeling of freedom, there are still shackles in that need to be abolished.

love xx

r & r

2011-10-10T17:00:00.019+02:00

Meaning rested and returned ;p

Namaste to all my loyal followers. It is with a giddy heart that I note I have not lost 1 follower during this resting period of mine. And for that, I am very grateful.

You may now relax, there will be no buts or "it is with a heavy heart..." speeches. I am back, and for the time being, I will be here to stay. My posts will be regular, but not frequent, to start off with. I plan on only doing 1 post per week. Imagine if you will, that my resting period has been like a detox: When you are done with your detox, you need to re-introduce normal food back into your diet slowly and surely. So I am going to take it slow, see what I can cope with and add only if and when I feel that I can comfortably cope with what has been given me.

What I have learned of late is that, no matter how much you love something, there comes a time when priorities need to be set straight. And I love so many things! And I am one of those gifted with the talent of being able to do absolutely anything (or maybe that is just simply a belief, not so much a talent...). More than that though, I have also been blessed with the gift of being infinitely curious and the desire to want to do absolutely everything that I find so very beautiful. It also seems to me like these things (curiosity/creativity/talent) all become more and more as you start doing more and more.

I digress.

My point is that once in a while you have to look at all the things that you are doing in your life, decide which things are most important, and stick to those, no matter how much it pains you to leave the rest. So it is with a heavy heart that I have left my mosaic classes (and I have yet to find time to do it on my own), my bookclub (all that I read these days or am interested in reading are the things and books related to my studies... when I find the time of course), my painting, my idea to take piano lessons and my Literature studies (at least until next year). What has become most important is Guppy, my yoga studies and Gentle Trader. Believe me, even with just these 3 items on my list, I still have very little time.

So for now, I am focusing on making the best of my studies, building up my business network and in between, spending all my spare time with Guppy. It is still a tight ship to run and hopefully one of these days I can relax a little.

Of course, as you can see I am back to blogging as well. I have to say that I really missed it, as well as not having missing it at all... If that makes any sense to anyone. It was nice having the time to myself, without having to get all worked up about not posting, but it is also nice to be back again, posting and sharing a little bit of myself with the world out there. Apparently there are people out there who care what I do... who knew? ;p

In any case, my blog will be undergoing a few changes, both thte outer and the inner. Something that I have been wanting to do for soem time now, is to switch over to my personal email address. Short story: Started blog out with account as username, then got private domain, only now have found that in order to switch to my private log in name, I need to delete gmail account as user (why would Google not do this automatically? Who knows? Perhaps because it make so much sense?). What this means to you, my loyal follower, is nothing. For those that are followed by me though, it means that you will see a person removed from your following list and then one added again. Followers can't be copied over to my new profile. So that will be coming soon as well, be prepared and don't panic.

Other than that, I hope that everyone is doing well. I will be getting on over to every one's sites asap, to comment, etc.

See you around!

time off

2011-09-06T17:37:00.063+02:00

I have been meaning to post about my sabbatical from all things tech (or at least 75% of it), but I just never got round to it. The most important thing that actually happened during my time off, was that I came to realise that as much as I love the Internet and my blog, my time can be way better spent.

In a post about our social networking these days on Tweetage Wasteland (a blog I can recommend to anyone), Internet Superhero possed the question as to whether he was more connected since he started spending time on the internet. His answer was that he is more connected to people he didn't know and equally connected with those he did, but that he is less connected with himself. And that was very much an aha! moment for me.

It is true that I have done all I need to do, made great friends on and off line and connected with them all. Where did I find the extra time though? Largely, I took from my own time. Now it might be argued that spending time with friends, or time on a hobby, or improving a skill, is actually time spent on yourself. Let me tell you, it isn't.

When we relax and do nothing but spend time with out family, reading a book we meant to get to for eons, listening to some music, jotting down those stray thoughts in our journal in order to clear our hearts and minds, or watching a sunset, when we are obligation free and attending to something that we want to rather than something that we feel we have to... In other words, when we are doing nothing much except being, relaxing and being in the moment, THEN and only THEN are we actually spending time on ourselves.

The last 3 months I have been really busy cleaning out, not only my physical space, but also my mental space. One of the things that I have done is to let go of my excessive amount of activities. Most of these never use to be a problem, but 2 things came up during my simpler time:

1. I have found my calling and as you all should know by now, I am going to be yoga teacher. But I don't want to be just a yoga teacher. I want to be a great yoga teacher. Which means that I need to get down and study, or practice. Which of course I am doing, enjoying it immensely and which is also part of the reason why I have not been able to blog as much.

2. I have come to realise that the time I spend with Guppy, needs to be time spend with Guppy (the same goes for whatever I spend time on of course, but Guppy is # 1). With all the work that I am putting into my studies, I have become aware that often, I am not spending time with her per say, but rather worrying about when I am going to get time to finish my blog. Well, not just the blogging, there are other things that I want to get too as well, and I am addressing each of these things. What I am saying is that I use to enjoy blogging, now I would rather spend time with Guppy. I would love to be able to do both, unfortunately though, my time is largely being taken up in the day, so something has to go.

I have addressed several situations in my life, getting rid of things one by one in order to make sure that I draw the line of what I am able, or should, be doing, in the correct place. So far I have not yet drawn that line. It seems that with every discarding and simplification in my life, there is more to be had.

So, once more, I am taking a sabbatical, but this time from blogging itself. I have decided to make it a month once more, just because that seems like a safe amount of time. This time though, it is a complete sabbatical. I will only be posting again on the 6th of October. If you would like to connect with me in another space, I will still be available on Facebook and Twitter (not constantly, but often enough). Of course, I now also have a blog on my website, which you can also check out from time to time, although posts will only be once a week. I will still check in every once in a while, read a few posts and make a few comments, but you will see me when you see me, rather than me being regular about it.

I have always craved a rather simple life, and it seems that what I wanted might be even simpler than I thought.

Until I return I trust everyone will keep up the fort (Marie - thanks for my award. I will attend to it as soon as I return).

* namaste *

stress advice for the fairer sex

2011-08-23T17:12:00.001+02:00

In this world of ours, stress seems to be the major cause of disease, unhappiness, nervous conditions, etc. Regardless of the fact that both men and women suffer from stress, I don't think we tend to stress about the same things.

Agree or disagree, for today I want to give women five suggestions to reduce their stress levels:

One, don't ever think you are without power. Whether it is your mother in law, your family, the shop assistant or the teller in the bank, women are often still held to be weaker than men, and therefore taken advantage of. Never believe that you have to be anything other than what you are. Having said this, make sure that you can handle your own as well. Take back your power: Have your own bank account; Work late if you want that advancement; Know your financial portfolio as well as that of your husband; Learn how to negotiate (says the one who refuses to do so ;p)... Be the source of power by making sure that when someone does try to make you feel inferior, or take advantage of you, you know who you are and what your needs are.

Two, demand validation for your work. If you feel you are not being appreciated, or if someone is constantly taking credit for your work, take steps to rectify the situation, or evaluate your professional situation. Talented, hard-working people are much in demand and everyone needs to be appreciated for something that they spend most of their daylight hours on.

Three, educate yourself, learn skills, network. Figure out ways to be economically independent. So next time your husband tells you that you are not a good enough wife, mother or daughter-in-law, you can tell him to take a hike. If you do work for your own salary, make sure that you get as much say over the spending of your household bills as anyone else.

Four, do not ever feel stressed about having a dual responsibility of family and work. It is difficult, but not impossible. The trick is not to expect an A+ in every aspect of your life. You are not taking an exam, and you frankly can't score 100%. It is okay if you don't make four dishes for lunch, stomachs be filled with one. It is okay if you don't work until midnight or if don't get a promotion. Nobody remembers their job designation on their dying day. Having said this, it is very important to know what your priorities are, what is most important to you. Then to make peace with that, and never taking it personally when someone berates you for what you do, as long as you are happy with it as an expression of who you are.

Five, most important, don't get competitive with other women. Someone will make a better scrapbook for their school project than you. Another will lose more weight with a better diet. Your neighbor may make a six-dabba tiffin for her husband, you don't - big deal. Do your best, but don't keep looking out for the report card, and definitely don't expect to be at the top of every class. There is no ideal woman in this world, at least not by society's validation and definition, and if you strive to become one, there will be only one thing you will achieve for certain - stress.

So breathe, chill, relax. Tell yourself you are beautiful, do your best and that you deserve a peaceful life. And if someone tries to take that away from you, realise that you are not at fault. Re-affirm what you know, what you want, and what your priorities are, and also, that these differ from woman to woman. Your purpose of coming to this earth is not to please everyone. Your purpose is to offer what you have to the world, and have a good life in return.

~ based on an email I received last week.

phew!

2011-08-10T12:03:00.000+02:00

How glad am I that this past week has, well, passed. Eternally grateful though, as it was a time of abundance, but I am just as grateful it is over. As you might have gleaned from my previous post, I have been extremely busy preparing for various things, most of which have now passed. As each item rolled on by, I gratefully ticked it off my list of things that were happening, taking it a step at a time and hoping to get through this unbroken.

And I did (like we so often do!).

So, to catch up:

I did 2 markets within a week of each other, one on the 30th and one on the 6th of August, each doing infinitely better than the last, and overall, the good vibes just kept on rolling in. Preparation was hectic and different for each event, but both were a lot of fun.

On the 6th we did the Green Market. You will just have to forgive me, I was going to take pictures, but that completely slipped my mind as I got extremely busy. This was also my birthday, so everyone kept on phoning and I ended up with loads of b-day messages, as you can't answer the phone when speaking to a prospective client.

GT is not up to running as a full-fledged business yet, but it is doing 3 times what it did a month ago. So, lots of good energy (and money) coming my way, most which have to (of course) be put back into the business in order to keep things going). Of course the confusion caused by Mercury in retrograde, has made things rather interesting, but it has not yet hampered business in any way. Yay!

One of the things that needed to be up and running by the time of the Green Market, was GT's website, which you can find at www.gentle-trader.co.za. It is not 100% up yet, but the newsletter sign up is set and ready, along with the skeleton of what the site will be.

As the days continue from now, I will be adding the products that GT sells, although suddenly, I am being approached by various people wanting me to sell their products too. You know, it never rains but it pours... And it is the pouring for which I am most grateful right now.

PS- if you do drop in on the site, please let me know what you think and if you pick up any issues.

Along with the website, I also took care of a few advertising possibilities and I still have one that I need to cross off my list. So even that is taken care of and I can sit back for a week or two and just attend to finer details, like the product info on GT etc.

Next up was my birthday dinner, which went deliciously :). It is always awesome to be able to take some time out and just spend it with friends. BUT I will tell you that my behind refused to get off a chair the next day. I sank into our couch and got up for nothing and no one. My feet thanked me each time I sat back down after going to the bathroom. I think we often forget what we put ourselves through in order to attain our goals - sigh - but it all has a purpose in the end, just so long as we allow ourselves those moments to recuperate as well.

There is loads more business coming, but at least I can focus on GT's website for a few weeks, along with the next edition of said newsletter, as all that business is only coming at the end of August.

To my followers and those I am following: Thank you for being so patient. I didn't post last week and it has been 2 weeks since I have actively responded to any blog post or comments left on mine. No that things have calmed down again, I promise I will get to all my fans within the next 2 weeks.

I hope that some of my good fortune vibes rubs off on anyone wanting it, because things have been going really well and I have more than enough blessing-vibes to share!

xx

masters of our own frustration

2011-07-29T13:37:00.017+02:00

There are to trails of thought as I write this post:

1. Unnecessary "battles" that we wage
2. Along the same line as one of my previous posts, Deliver the Value: Getting lost in details

How often do we enter into battle simply because it is what we always do? Claiming the principle of the matter or being so self-centred that we don't see the other person is just having a bad day, or in a bad mood, or experiencing a run of bad luck. When we are unhappy or having a bad day, we tend to turn people into one dimensional beings, instead of seeing their complexity and multi-dimensionality... We mostly fail to realise that everyone is, at the core, just like us.

People have bad days and good days, and most people live fairly unobtrusive lives, and yet when we are unhappy we tend to focus on the one thing that they do that is upsetting us, or on the event that took place (even though the call center operator is not responsible for our ordeal) and pasting it onto the person that we have to deal with.

So much anger and unhappiness is being sent out into the world with such venomous force on a daily basis... And yet, there is always another way. Most people are never taught how to turn their angry-mob-mentality into this way of course, how to deal with it in a way that harms no one (although mostly the person that receives the most punishment is the one that IS angry).

Only recently have we started delving into teaching our children how to deal with their emotions in an effective way. This does not mean that one should not be angry or frustrated, but simply that one should be able to distinguish different levels of anger, that every frustrating emotion is not always anger, as well as learning an effective way of dealing with said emotions.

Learning emotional vocabulary also helps people to better determine what they are feeling. When a person is given a vocabulary of emotions, they learn to look inside to find out why whatever is happening is making them feel the way they do, as opposed to simply reacting to a painful or frustrating emotion. They learn to analyse themselves, they get to know themselves better, and to realise and heal any situation that might be hampering their growth. It does any person good to realise that a situation is not always upsetting to everyone, and that the reason that you get as upset as you do, is personal.

We all learn from our parents, and if our parents were never able to deal with frustration effectively, it will be a lot more work for us to learn how to deal with it, but it is never impossible.

The up side of learning emotional intelligence? You hurt less people; You are less stressed, thereby being healthier and able to live longer; Your heart, your blood and your family will be thanking you for taking care of yourself and being able to be present in their lives a little longer, as well as adding to their levels of peace and harmony. In addition to all of this, you will grow and become more present in your own life, instead of living reactionally, to your past programming.

This might not be the easiest thing to do in your life, but trust me when I say that it will be the most valuable skill you can ever acquire. If, of course, growing as a person and living a long and healthy life is on your priority list, otherwise just forget I said anything.

The 2nd train of thought? Well, you can read more on it at Deliver the Value, Just Do It and also Proof that Anyone Can Just Do About Anything They Want. I will give you the gist though: Don't wait for the situation to be ideal, because that will most probably not happen in this lifetime. If you want to do something, go ahead and do it. You might find that you are no good at it, or mediocre, or perhaps you are a lost Van Gogh who comes to realise your greater calling. Who cares? Just as long as you are doing it. But don't get lost in the details either. Live now, in the moment. This is not to say that you should do NO planning or never look at the details, just not to let them stop you from being happy, from participating in life.

How did these 2 thoughts end up together? Possibly because they both deal with the unhappiness that we cause in our own lives, either through the battles that we wage or the things we don't do. It is also possible that they wove themselves together because they both deal with the excuses we tend to find for the way we live our lives, the pain we cause ourselves as well as others. Another possibility is that they both deal with growth, knowing ourselves and taking steps to healing ourselves, our regrets and our past. Whatever the reason, for today, these 2 belonged on one post. And sometimes you just have to trust the chaos.

***

Take this quote to heart on your journey through this marvelous life on this miracolous earth of ours:

On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know...

...that if you are going to fuss over things, it is important

to pick your battles.

The ideal, of course, would be to "fuss" over nothing.

But given that we are all human, that may not be possible.

What is possible is picking much more carefully the things

that we are prepared to make a fuss over.

Ask yourself: "How much difference will this make when

I'm 85?" If you think it will matter then, let it matter now.

If you make everything matter now, you may not get to

be 85.

it was the best of times... it was the worst of times

2011-07-26T13:15:00.000+02:00

We all have moments like these, when everything goes how we want it to. On the one hand I am so grateful and feeling wondrously good, and here are the reasons why:

1. After giving my first class at the yoga studio where I do my teacher's training, my teacher has now put me on permanent "on call". And yes, I am the only 1st year that she currently calls, because apparently, I am a natural and she loves my classes, and second because I am also the only one that will always say yes when she needs me to teach (this is how adamant I am about this yoga thing). So far I have filled in for one of her teachers twice, both times at rather short notice, but both classes going very well.

2. Then, she received a request for a yoga teacher in our estate at the gym. I went for the interview class and got the job, despite not being qualified yet (which they are fully aware of). Now I am giving 2 classes at the gym: one on a Monday morning, and one on a Wednesday evening. Great test to my ability to deal with less than perfect circumstances, people that have never done yoga before and are much more into the physical aspect of it, than the lifestyle aspect of it. And of course, once more, it is experience for me. Oh, and I get paid. Meagerly of course, but still.

3. I am allowed the time off from the office to teach the Monday morning class, without having to put in leave or such, which is such a blessing.

4. Gentle Trader (my organic gifts, skincare , etc. business) is suddenly quite explosive and I am booked for 2 markets during August, getting ready to advertise hugely in several (fairly cheap) spaces and looking forward to the boom. The only product that I am struggling to get is eco-friendly yoga mats, which is essential to what I want to do.

5. I am getting all sorts of hints form the Universe about things that I should be doing and places that I should be teaching and I am hoping to be able to attend to this matter as of next year (most of these are teaching at schools, one possible retirement home, which I am qualified to do already and which would be wonderful if I could attain jobs like that because they have no overheads besides petrol).

A marvelous 5 point blessing list, which could probably become a lot more if delved into. There is only one reason that things are feeling not so good though: TIME.

Once more it seems that there is just never enough to do all the things I need to attend to. These include, but are not limited to:

Getting my personal daily yoga and meditation practice in.

Getting the table accessories done for the markets that I will be attending.

Attending the necessary classes for my yoga teacher's training, for which I am already behind, but not too much. Yet.

Studying.

Creating a website for Gentle Trader.

Added to this, I have a birthday party coming up (which will be catered because, although it might cost money, I just don't have the time to cook), I have my best friend's stork coming up, coupled with her son's 1st birthday party. And guess who is hosting? Of course me. Like I said: BEST FRIEND.

I am seriously hoping to get a semblance of a peaceful life back after the 6th of August (on which date I am doing both a market and, like I said, my birthday dinner).

Of course, often times the best meals are delivered from a little pressure, one could say. And those ones would not be the current object of such pressure, so perhaps they should just not say anything. Things always look rosier once you are on the other side of the due date.

Goodness only knows how I get so tied up in all of these little things, but as you can see, it is all very essential ;p

love

2011-07-21T10:07:00.041+02:00

This is a subject that has been philosophised to death, but you have not yet heard my take on it, so here goes:

I view love as the energy that creates us all, and with which we all create.

Love is know by many names: Friendship; Compassion; Kindness; Caring; Self-Esteem; Acceptance; Understanding; Nurturing.

To me, love is an action, a verb (without meaning to steal anyone's book title). Love can only be shown, it cannot be proclaimed. Oh, you can say it as many times as you want to, but it won't mean a thing without action. On the other hand, action can show love even though it is not said.

And then also: Love is not necessarily the action that you deem best (unless it is a case of life or death - real life or death, as in literally), but the action that is required by the other person. Love is a guide, not a tyrant.

I believe we all love unconditionally from time to time, even though we have somehow come to believe that we can't love unconditionally. We might not always agree with our loved ones, but that does not mean we don't love them. Now if you are trying to change someone, you no longer love them, or you only love certain parts of them and that is conditional love, which we also have. I know I have hitherto loved my husband unconditionally. Whatever he does, I love him. Whether that will change or not, is something that I can say won't happen, but only time will tell.

Very few people can love all the people they love in the same way (those few are usually referred to as saintly or masterful). Mostly, we love certain people with a certain type of love.

The manner in which we love someone can change, and that's OK too. It should in fact be accepted as a part of life. As an example: Mothers need to love their children in a much closer way when they are little; As the children grow however, that love changes, not in intensity, but in the manner which we tend to hold on, or keep them close. This is not to say that mothers don't want to hold on forever, but that we can't, or rather, shouldn't. Things change. Even love. Sometimes the love between 2 people will turn into friendship love, and sometimes friendship will turn into romantic love. Whatever the change, be ready to embrace it for this is as much a part of your life's journey as all the other manners in which you change or grow.

Love has no ego. It does not show itself through big things. Not always, anyway. For the most part, love is built up through a million little pieces that we present to the world every day. Sometimes the small things are the most powerful: The manner in which we accept another person for who they are; The smile we give to the homeless man on the street; The How Are You's that are truly heartfelt; The understanding that dawns or the acceptance that is given despite failure to understand; The willingness to not be right... Sometimes love shows more through a pat on the shoulder than any other sacrifice could.

Love does not need love in order to exist. If you love someone, then love them. Don't love because you are loved, rather love because you love.

Above all, I believe that love is what it is and in what form it is and this world would be a much better place if we accepted the manner in which other people are willing to love us, even though it might not be the manner that we desire from them. Love is as individual as a fingerprint and we should not judge people for how much, how little or in which way they show their love to us.

This journey is ours together. We came from love and we will return to love. How each of us decides to get there is a personal choice and we should allow it to be.

***

Of course, one has to quote Shakespeare when one requires a quote on love:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

~ William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

i see you....

2011-07-20T09:48:00.002+02:00

It's funny how people see you. OK, that's not so funny. What is slightly humourous though, is how it often differs from how we see ourselves. And this is true whether it is the bad stuff or the good stuff.

Look in the mirror as an example. Now this is info that is gathered through the senses, an image you can touch, see, scrutinise and most probably smell as well. And yet, despite the fact that we gather all the info via our senses, what we see is still subject to interpretation by the brain. Most people these days have a warped way of seeing themselves. Some are obese and think they are thin, and some are thin and think they are fat, some are beautiful and think they are ugly and some are ugly and think they are God's gift to.... Well, you catch my drift.

This is just what we see in the mirror, which is taken in through our eyes, through our senses. Our self images are just as warped, if not more. We don't see what we mean to others, or how our smallest action affects a million people, or how our actions affect the way other people (or our children!) see the world.

Why is this so?

Honestly, I don't think anyone knows. There have been lots of studies, and there is even some evidence of chemical imbalances, although in my personal opinion, these are just the very extreme cases or else we all have chemical imbalances. We could blame beauty magazines, working mothers, society's pressure, television and in truth it could be anyone of these. It could also be all of these, or none of these.

What I am more interested in is, how do we fix this?

My first solution is that we need to start paying attention to the compliments we get. And this is not to say that when someone pays you a compliment you should bring out the noise makers and shout it from the heavens. Nope. All you have to do is to accept any compliments given, as yours. As a sign of good manners we are always so ready to break down the compliments that others give us, and we really shouldn't because by doing so, you deny yourself the chance to be great. In addition, when you stop accepting compliments, the Universe will stop sending them.

Added to that, when you compliment someone, accept that compliment for yourself as well because it means that if you were able to spot it, then you have that inside of you as well. Maybe not to the extent that the other person does, but you need to know beauty before you can identify it. So the next time someone compliments you, say thank you and smile. And the next time you compliment someone else, say thank you and smile - preferably to yourself, at least if you want to avoid some pretty intense looks.

Practice thanking yourself regularly and randomly anyway. Or at the very least, every morning when you wake up; every evening when you go to bed. Whatever the label that you carry (single, parent, spouse, gay, divorced, entrepreneur, millionaire, woman, man, child) this is not the easiest time to be anything in. It seems that no matter what the label, there is always some pressure from somewhere, some judgment, or some hardship to deal with in this day and age. Not to say that life is all hard, but when you wake up in the morning, you owe yourself a thank you for taking care of yourself. And when you get home in the evenings, you owe yourself a thank you for a job well done (even if it was just refraining from killing someone). Some days are better than others, but we are always the best that we can be, doing the best with what we are given, striving to do even more wondrous things as our days pass.

Lastly, pay attention to what others say about you. Good or bad, other people see things in and about you that you are not objective enough to see, even though this is often only a superficial view. Now you might not like what others are saying about you, but take the time to ponder it anyway. Decide whether it is true for you, even if you don't like it, or even if it is just a little bit true. Then decide whether that is what you want to be, whether that is what you want to tell the world that you are. If you do and you accept it as yours, accept that sometimes what other people see as negative, is not always so. And if it is not who you are, then do what you can to change it. Don't try not to do the thing you like, rather know that this is not who you would like to be or who you believe you are, and decide on an action that is the opposite of that and then go out and do that. Changes always happen faster when you try to do things, than when you try not to do things.

Remember that your value and who you are is completely in your hands. Learn to love yourself today. Everyday.

xxx

It is not who you are that holds you back. It is who you think you are not ~ Unknown

Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right. ~ Henry Ford

deliver the value

2011-07-15T09:13:00.002+02:00

When you have to choose between getting it done and getting it done perfect, get it done. Don't let the desire for perfection be an excuse for never finishing. Do your very best with the time and resources you have. Even if the results are not perfect, they will nonetheless bring great value. By all means, let perfection be your goal. just be sure not to let it become our excuse.

Be true to the highest standards you can envision, while at the same time being realistic about what you are doing. Your magnificent vision will be of no use to anyone unless it is expressed in some specific, tangible form. Even if you can't get it perfect, go ahead and get it done. Achieving 95 percent of what you envision, is much better than holding out for one hundred percent and never getting it done.

Thought it won't be perfect, and not everyone will like it, go ahead and deliver the value you create.

-- Ralph Marston

How many times do people get caught up in the "oh, I can't start doing it because I won't be any good at it" or "I will just make a mess of it" or they simply spend so much time organising, making labels and the like, that the job takes forever to complete (if it even ever does get completed).

This is not a long post this morning, and it is on much the same note as a few of my posts over the last couple of weeks, but at the risk of repeating myself to the point of boredom, here goes:

In your job, work to get things done as effectively as possible. Don't waste time on details that most people will never even notice.

In your life, do things that you want to. Don't wait for the skill to do it because then you will deny yourself that opportunity, as skill is only ever obtained through practice.

Don't let perfection become your excuse for not doing something.

Don't let perfection become the reason you can't deliver on time.

Don't let your excessive tinkering to try and get things 100% all the time, be the reason that you are the one that does not get the job, or takes too long with the job thereby not delivering, or the one that ends up without the experience.

Most people that you will deal with, work for or show our end result to, will never know the difference between a job well done and a job that was done perfectly. Having said that, there is also a very fine line between doing a thing well and covering all the basis and cutting corners that are invisible to others.

This post could go on and on to explain the difference between perfection and a job well done, or between letting details slide and covering all the basis, but I think we all have some experience in this regard and we all know exactly what this quote has in mind: We should not do mediocre work simply to get things completed, but on the other hand, waiting for perfection could cost you the job / deny you the experience.

It is that simple.

It is that complicated.

***

PS - as I wrote this, this email came in from the 'On this day God wants you to know...' newsletter:

that the possibility of making an error should never,

ever stop you from doing anything.

Don't ever be afraid of "not getting it right."

In truth, there is no "right" was of doing anything...there is only the way you are doing it. So go ahead. Do it.

Nothing wonderful has ever been accomplished by

anyone who was worried sick about it not being

wonderful.

I really think that there is a message trying to get through here.... Now I just need to determine whether the aim is through me, or for me. Or maybe (most probably) it is both...

just to let you know...

2011-07-12T08:30:00.000+02:00

Last Monday (that would be the 4th of July), I gave my very first yoga class. And it went really well. Well, of course it did, but I was nervous as anything. My teacher SMS (or texted) me late afternoon on Sunday to ask if I would want to give the class (in her defense though, she was given as little notice that the girl who was assigned to the class was not going to be able to give it after all). So I had about 24 hours to prepare a class, of which 8 would be spent sleeping, and another 8 at work, and 2 getting ready to go to work and dropping Guppy off. So what did that leave me with math-heads?

8 + 8 = 16 + 2 = 18 - 24 ....

6 hours! to prepare a whole class1 Plus relaxation exercises!

mmm, I did even better than I thought in that case.

Seriously, so little time left me with none to actually work through the class to determine how it flowed or how long it was. It ended up being a little shorter than what was required, but my teacher said people don't mind going home early, but they do mind staying later. All in all, it went very well. Apparently.

But I am ever so grateful that I was able to do the class because now that DREADED FIRST TIME is officially behind me and the next time I will at least know what to expect.

In other parts of my life...

I gave my very first official blogging course this past Saturday. And that went just as well. It was not presented for money or anything, but simply because so many of the people I know would love to blog, but get all fluffed up when they try and start. And yes, there are a million and one tutorials on the web, but people just don't learn well without human interaction, AND those tutorials cover everything, not just the parts you need right now in order to start. Too be honest, I only stopped fiddling with all the extras these past 2 years, but I have been blogging for about 5 or so. And it was only once I got past all the choices and extras and other things that I have no clue about, that I started to get comfortable and actually enjoy what I was doing.

I needed to get people past the fidgeting and onto the actual blogging. I helped them understand which were the important bits, the bits they would use the most and what the bloggisphere family was actually about (following, commenting and support, right?). And that was what that course was all about. Just showing people what they would use as opposed to what's available. When I was done with them, they could all go home and officially start a blog.

It was fun and it was wonderful company, like only girls can do it.

Will I do it again? Yeah, sure. If I get asked. Which was why I did the first one as well. And now the program is set, so it will be easy to just set aside 3 hours of a Saturday and help 2 or 3 people again.

I am of the opinion that I am a born knowledge imparter (teacher just has such a bad vibe for most people).

Lastly: due to set blogging course, my stalkers have officially reached a total of 50. It was 47, plus the 3 newly added bloggers. Yeah! No Britney Spears yet, but I am also not about to flash myself in public. If I ever reach a million stalkers, then you know I changed my mind about the flashing ;)

labels

2011-07-07T15:52:00.000+02:00

It seems to me that everywhere these days a new label is sprouting up, followed (rather too speedily) by our need to use it. And it seems that it is not just the weird kid in the black and purple dinner jacket that we need to label, but these days there is a label to fit every being in this world from the moment they are born till the moment they die.

I don't necessarily have a problem with labels, sometimes knowing that you are dyslexic can be a huge life saver. The thing that bothers me about these labels is that we never look past them. Once a label is attached to a person, we end up defining them by said label. We put people in boxes and then try and keep them there when they get out.

I don't think this method is helping anyone at any given moment.

Try this little exercises as soon as you have time: Take the front page of your newspaper today. Or the middle section, or yesterday's paper - whatever you can find or have available. Find a story about someone who has done something illegal, a person who we are going to end up labelling as a criminal, or a delinquent, or a fraud. Now, before your mind settles on that label, just for a moment, try and think where this person's story began. You're not making excuses, you are simply expanding the box you were about to place the person in.

Did they come from an abusive home?

Did their mother mother work from dusk till dawn?

Were they perhaps labeled as stupid at a very young age?

Did it perhaps start before they were born even?

Was their mother a drug addict, or a teen pregnancy?

Were they perhaps bullied or beaten when they were young?

That movie star whose sexapades just got leaked, is this who they are? Did they not just perhaps make a mistake?

Like I said, you are not making excuses, you are simply trying to find the story. This is the fundamental problem with our journalism today. What is placed in the paper is indeed (most probably, anyway) true, but only the immediate facts are related, whereas we are products of our past, our choices and, yes, even our mistakes. No person is ever as simple as what they are seen as in any given moment.

Long before the moment of now, things came together to shape this person that I am. Right now I am a mother, and a certain type most probably, but that is not all I am and I am not even that type of mother all the time. If I throw a hissyfit in a mall, it does not necessarily mean that I am temperamental. I might have had a long day, a unexpected expense, or received some sad news.

With our kids we are so quick to call them naughty, hyperactive, attention deficit, or even clever, and especially with special needs labels, we end up creating a world for our children based on that label. Most kids will hear most labels, pertaining to themselves or their friends, at varying times in their life. The ones that are most often used are the ones that will stick and even ones like being clever, can place a huge amount of strain on a child. Of course, praise is always welcome and it motivates people to perform. What you have to beware of is defining your child, or the person sitting opposite you, or the criminal standing trial, in terms of just that label.

What make us use labels so readily? I think there are books written on these subjects, but if I could venture a guess, it would be laziness. In today's era, with instant gratification being the norm and words like rat-race, commuting and dog eat dog world being the defining terms of our lives, we just don't have time to really look at the people who cross our path. We generalise in order to make life easier and, once again, quicker. We don't want to wonder what someone else is going through, we don't want to imagine what could make them act this way. It takes time, and effort, and heaven knows, we might want to help or feel responsible in some way 'and we just don't have time to be a part of our fellow human beings' life'. We have long lost the skills to access the value of the person crossing our path based on the person, rather than a generalisation based on colour of their skin, clothes, hairstyles, body art, disability, etc.

Luckily, this is such an easy skill to reclaim. All you have to do is to open yourself to the people you deal with, and as you do, remind yourself that this person is in fact also a person with depths and facets like yourself. What you are seeing of this person, thinking of this person (valid as it may be), is not all this person is or should be judged on. Be aware that this person still remains a person, hopefully loved by his/her parents, maybe having a family and definitely having a story that brought him/her to this moment in your life and maybe, just maybe, even having a little lesson that he/she needed to impart to you on a soul level.

We are complex beings and throughout our lives we will move through a variety of labels and roles and having even more levels than any onion could ever symbolise. And when you try and asses whether all this effort is worthwhile just to realise the value of a person, just remember: You would want other people to realise your value, and when you are having a bad day, you would appreciate a little understanding, rather than a lot of judgement.

a day with family

2011-07-04T20:36:00.001+02:00

Yesterday we went shopping. All 3 of us, together.

This is the first time in years that I have gone to a proper mall rather than the quick stop supermarket village on the way home. I don't even shop for presents anymore. I prefer buying them online too torturing myself going from store to store, trying to find that perfect item.

But off we went. Nothing you have ever done in your life, prepares you for shopping with a toddler, let me just tell you.

But besides Guppy, it was just a vey frustrating day. I don't like malls. Of course it wasn't always like that, but somewhere between 25 and 30, I outgrew shopping. Of course I also outgrew the need to shop, although that might've been more of a lesson that I learned, rather than a natural evolvement of my life.

Regardless, I don't like malls: The colours are too vivid, the choices are too much, the people are too crowded and the noise is too constant. It's almost like being trapped in a bee hive thats had a run in with a rainbow. I don't like restaurants for the same reason. I want to hear when people talk and I want to be heard without raising my voice.

But we needed to get new duvets. To be a little more specific, to get some down duvets. This winter has been an especially cold one, and no matter what I've tried, Guppy's room just won't stay heated between 3 and 5 in the morning. And she is such a little person, she has about a snowball's chance in Hell to keep warm all by herself.

And of course if she got one, we got to have one as well (now I don't like credit, but credit saved our shivering behinds, and paying over 6 months interest free is not such a bad game).

And of course we had to get new duvet covers since ours has seen better days after more than a decade's worth of service. Guppy also needed new ones as she never even got a new set, but rather used the set that use to be my sister's, also more than a decade ago. I am the type of person who will use things until they are threadbare, and in this case they really were.

Second in the list was clothes for Guppy. She fits into her age group perfectly, so we buy little bits of clothes each month for the next year. This way it is more cost effective and puts less of a strain on our budget. Also with our weather these days, its good to have both warm and cool clothing throughout the year, BUT for kids you need to shop in advance in order to have this.

Now, have you ever tried to buy clothes for a little girl? It's like taking a trip to marshmallow land: Everything is PINK! I don't know who designs these ranges, but has anyone ever considered that sometimes little girls might actually like a little variety in their cupboard? And purple is not variety enough! And the little bit of green only comes in the lime variety which is like throw-up pink. Whatever happened to some reds, yellows, maybe a bit of orange even. You can never go wrong with some black, emerald green or turquoise. And heaven forbid a little girl should ever look for anything blue! Finding socks was just as much fun because no matter what colour you get the clothes in, you only get socks in white and pink.

Ugh! I despise shopping for Guppy even more than for myself. Which was just as much of an adventure. All I wanted was some pajamas THAT WASN'T PINK! Or flannel. Or had Hello Kitty on it. This is just me. I just want plain stuff, that's soft and comfortable. Nothing that screams at me and that may distract me from actually sleeping.

So anyway, after what felt like days, we were finally able to say we got everything. Then I remembered I still had to buy my paints for my unfinished projects.

Oh well, that is what small local centers are for, to get all the stuff you realized you hadn't gotten at the mall, after you were finally able to smile again because you thought you were going home.

After an hour at home, the twitching finally dissipated, the swish noise in my ears stopped and we were able to just sink into the couches.

Until we realized that the extra long king size down duvet that Sparky had said we needed, did not fit into the kind size duvet cover that's we had bought. Luckily Sparky took one look at the panicked look in my eyes and said he would quickly stop over (again) on his way to his dad's. I do have a marvelous husband...

Tonight is the second night that I get to snuggle into the down duvet with Guppy though. I haven't made up my mind whether it was worth the trouble yet, but at least it has been done. And our nights are warmer for it. I just hope these duvets last until we're dead. Or senile..

what would you do

2011-06-29T20:45:00.002+02:00

if you had a million dollars?

Of course, a million Rand is not quite the same thing, so think of this more in terms of what you would do if you did not need money.

Over the weekend, I watched the movie called Office Space. Originally it may seem like the type of movie that 'sticks it to the man', guys steal money from a big corporation and then go of to live the lazy life.

It's not though.

It turns out to be about choices, and how your attitude and your life is always in your control. It also confirms that if you are unhappy with your job, to such a degree that you just don't care, then leave it and find something that you are happier doing, hopefully before someone burns the place down in a stressed-out fit.

Of course this is often times easier said than done, but take the thought to heart, sleep on it a few times and see where it takes you if you are that unhappy with your 8 to 5-er.

An interesting point that they bring up in this movie, is how guidance councilors would ask kids what would they do if they had a million dollars. Whatever the answer to that question, that was the career you needed to follow. The guy in the movie said he never had an answer, and later he decides that given this option he would do nothing. If course his friend's answer was 'two girls at once', so none of this is set in stone.

Personally, I don't think I would have an answer either, but that's because, given the option, I would do a multitude of things: I would read, write, teach yoga, give courses in blogging, art and meditation, paint, draw, mosaic and most probably add to this list every day of my life.

Everyone is different though. Most woman today will utter the words 'oh, I would never not be able to work' sooner or later in their life. My response is usually along the lines off: Really? But in my opinion, people just aren't aware that there is any other option available. Most people have this 'hard-working' life drilled into them. And this is not to say you shouldn't work hard, but when work is something that you love, it is neither hard nor work. So ok, maybe I am saying that you shouldn't work hard, at least not in the conventional way.

Everyone has a different idea of nothing. Everyone has something that they are good at and something that they love doing. Anything you love doing, is just a possibility away from being turned into something that you can make a living off of, even if you don't have a million dollars.

Of course there are those who are just in it for the money. Or those that just ignore the money. Some want set hours, some want to set their own. But most people are stuck somewhere in the middle, wanting both 8 hours of blissfully doing a job they love and being able to support their dependents on the subsequent paycheck.

None of the above is wrong. None of the above is more right than the other. In the end this is what the movie points to: Your life is yours, make the most of it; Make the choices you need to in order to be happy at what you do for most of your day.

Find out what you would do if you had a million dollars. Now realize that is entirely possible, you just have to find the angle from which this will work for you.

random

2011-06-27T20:37:00.002+02:00

Random # 1

Guppy's hair is shrinking. Or else her growth hormones are in reverse. Or some phantom is cutting her hair... Sorry, no, it's definitely still this mommy's unskilled cutting. So it's either growth in reverse or shrinkage. This is not funny!

Random # 2

I have learned the 'who can the longest' game. All 2 year olds can play, and their parents as well, if they have the guts. I chose ignoring and Guppy chose to say mine. Funny, we only ever played it 4 times...

Random # 3

Guppy is a genius! (mommy in me goes: well, duh!) she got a report card and she can do everything. Granted her choices are 3. able 2. with aid 1. not at all. And I'm guessing that if your child has a problem with this list at the age of 2, someone's going to give you a little serious advice. And I'm like, pft! most of these things she could do straight out of the womb you know.

Random # 4

Our house clearing is going rather well and we have buyers for our stacks and stacks of DVDs. Struggling selling the clothes though, but right now it is either a lot of extra work, or sell it as a bundle, but for somewhat less. Since this is a cleaning, I'm opting for the quicker option.

Random # 5

Sometimes things pan out before you even had time to install your plans or safety nets. First I thank my lucky stars. And my dad. Next, I do my best not to freak because when things work out before you planned to even see if they could, the space is suddenly filled with 'what the blazers did I want to do again?'. Of course it's still all there, just obscured by reality. And we're still cleaning out. Once the clearing is done, the building may officially start.

Wishing everyone the beauty of living in Interesting Times.

claiming back values and reality

2011-06-24T11:16:00.007+02:00

I would like to share the following picture of days gone by:
- Less than a century ago 9 out of 10 people ran their own business. In modern times, the reverse is true, although more people are desperately trying to return to this structure.
- Less than 2 decades ago, if you weren't at the office or at home, or if you had no landline telephone, no one could get hold of you.
- Less than 2 decades ago, faxes were the only digital form of sending messages.
- Less than a decade ago, you needed a computer in order to receive email.
- More than a decade ago, very few people had laptops or any form of data on the move.

By no means am I saying that the past was perfect, there were enough things that needed improving in order for us to go around improving it, except that it feels a little like we improved some, and actually worsened the ones we were suppose to be making the changes for.

One of the things that I find to be the most distressing in my life, is that I am constantly available. Not necessarily for work, just in general:

- My cellphone is always on and if you are like most people, you are constantly cavorting it with you and checking to make sure you did not miss a call or an sms or an email

- My email downloads onto my phone every hour or so

- I have Facebook and twitter access 24 / 7

- I belong to x amount of newsletters for causes that are near and dear to my heart, but which require a lot of action (be it only a signature, it still adds up to a lot)

- Whereas, in days of dial-up, I would only check email twice a day, I am now privy to email download and notification in (virtually) real-time

It seems that technology has taken over our world! We are at the beck and call of our friends and followers, need to watch x amount of television each week (God forbid we actually miss our favourite program!) and our cellphones place us in permanent availability mode (because the world would end if we failed to answer or respond to an sms in time) and we are constantly complaining that we don't have enough time.

If you were to ask most people though, the most imporant thing in their life is their family. Yet, we spend hardly any time with our kids. As an example, when we get home around 5 it is dinner, bath and bed between 7 and 8, mornings are dressed, packed and off to school; most school sports events are scheduled in the week, but most parents are unable to adapt their work schedule to include going to see this; we don't help with homework because we don't have time and in between all of the things that we are unable to do with regards to school, where do you suggest you find the time to get to know your kid or what is going on in their life? And we still wonder why bullies bully, or have targets, why kids become sulky teenagers or why they no longer have respect for their absent elders.

Of course I am not suggesting that you quit your job, and I know that starting up your own business is hard work. So where would you make cut backs?

My personal recommendation would be to untangle yourself from the amazing world of technology. I recommend the following test (2 weeks for each item should enable you to measure the value of permanent implementation):

a) turn off the television (major time-sucker this one)
b) refrain from using twitter or facebook or the like (or at least set a time-limit like 30 minutes a day MAX, the important people are the ones sharing your dinner table, not your 300 friends or 900 followers)
c) half your blogging time (yes, we all have something to say - make notes and you will never be dumbstruck for a post again)
d) keep extra curricular activities for kids to a minimum (2 MAX, what kids really thrive on is your love and attention, yours, not the teacher's)
e) put your cellphone in a designated area once you get home and only answer it if you hear the call, like a normal telephone (your cellphone should never again become an apendage that goes everywhere you do)
f) switch your cellphone off after a certain time at night, focus on your family without waiting to be demanded
g) delete useless (usually games) and social networking apps from your phone - return your cellphone to being a phone
h) attend to emails at designated times of the day and adjust your phone emails to only get emails when you request it, rather than every few minutes or even every hour
i) set business hours and stick to them, even if you are running your own business, and remember to respect your employees' time with their families as well, they are not your property and deserve to spend time with the ones they love without being hassled for work (email and sms'es are great tools if you need them to do something the next day, but you should really respect yourself and your own family as well)
j) stop multi tasking: it is a time waster and in actual fact, a lie - what you should be doing is aiming to be present for each task you do, completing it before you move on to the next one

These are merely suggestions to get back some time into your life, whether running a business of your own, or working for someone else. Even if you just implement 2 or 3 of these, I assure you that you will remember soon enough what the reason was for everything we enhanced; that we are all people dealing with people who have rights and homes and families; that time best spent is time with the ones you love and even though the hours will still remain minimal, it can at least be time that you are present and attentive, without being pulled away, physically or pshycologically.

untangling myself

2011-06-23T10:26:00.001+02:00

** Please see the Linky Party over at Kirsty's **

~~~~

I know I have been absent for a little while this week. No excuse. You can see what I have been up to on Talking to Trees because it was mainly a creative activity that kept me from posting. Creativity is extremely captivating and whenever I get caught up, I find it very hard to make time for anything else.

But that is not what this untangling post is about.

Recently I have been feeling rather weighed down by all the stuff in my life. Not just material stuff, but also technological stuff, emotional stuff and people stuff. The ideal in this situation, to my mind, would be just to sell my house and everything in it, pack what clothes I can into a suitcase, pack the car and start over with an almost clean slate.

Of course this is not possible, not with a family in tow and in truth, I have more than a car full of stuff especially if Guppy's stuff had to come along.

So the next best thing is to de-clutter to the extreme. Assess anything and everything for the true worth it holds in my life and discard everything that is not being used, only takes up space, or is being kept for in case. And yet... I still find my very Western mind holding on to things that I should be letting go off.

And then I found Ev Bogue and his experiments.

This guy was like a flash of inspiration. He quit his job with $3900 in the bank and moved, well... far, without having another job (he simply chose a city to his liking) and embraced a minimalistic lifestyle. You can read all about his experiments on his website.

I am not yet at a place in my life where I am ready to downscale to owning only 100 items, and South Africa is not a country where you can depend on the public transport system, BUT Ev has done a lot to inspire me to do my own little experiment over the month of July.

THE GOAL: to have less stuff; to have more time; to have less things to do; to spend less time in the virtual world and more in the physical world (after all, the person that matters the most should be the one sitting across from me, not the one that I am busy tweeting)

THE METHOD:
- get rid of anything in excess, this includes clothes and my wedding dress
- unsubscribe from absolutely every email newsletter
- no twitter or FB for the month of July (will determine how I feel about it afterwards)
- no television for July (again, permanent institution will be decided upon after July)
- initiate procedures to finish all projects that are lying around the house (mainly painting, mosaic and photo albums)
- donate books to Books Beyond Bars (an intuitive started by UNISA to aid inmates to become literate)
- delete all apps from iPhone for social networks (this I did and only kept chatting apps, as this saves some people money, and things like my dictionary)
- to change the settings on my iPhone-email so that I get email when I request it, instead of it being downloaded all the time
- put phone on flight mode once I go to bed
- treat cellphones the same as a landline phone i.e. put it in one place when I come home in the evening, instead of cavorting it around with me wherever I go (NEVER AGAIN will my phone go with me to the bathroom!)
most importantly though:

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES AM I ALLOWED TO START ANOTHER PROJECT UNTIL ALL THE PROJECTS THAT ARE LYING AROUND ARE 100% COMPLETED

(this is my real weakness - the problem with being good at everything is that I can do everything and I want to do everything, but it also means I hardly ever focus on anything and just keep the projects piling up)

ESTIMATED OUTCOME: to have more time for real people and projects; to focus on the project(s) that I would like to develop further; to get rid of my psychological to-do list; to be more present with what I am focusing on, instead of being constantly at the beck and call of technology and the virtual world

So, as you can see this is a rather huge experiment. Most of the preparation work has already started and already I can feel the difference, not jsut emotioanlly or spiritually, but also physically (weird, but true).

In addition to untangling myself from technology to such a vast degree, I am afraid that I will be lessening the blogs that I follow. Now, if you are the one that I unfollow, this might motivate you to unfollow me as well. This is certainly your call to make, but I am hoping that the reason you follow me in the first place is not just to get a follow back, and that you will understand the value of having an active follower versus someone doing there best to view and possibly comment when they have time.

One more thing that will be happening is that I will blog less. Unless of course I blog more, but for now I don't want anyone to anticipate that I will post more than twice a week, Mondays and Wednesdays, along with Talking to Trees post on Friday. So that's really 3 posts a week.

Along with all of the above untangling, is the untangling of feeling guilty. There are lots of bloggers who only post once a week, most creative people and famous authors are not on twitter or FB (their accounts are handled by admin people, but they themselves do not get caught up in the tangled world wide web) and I don't need to belong to any international group or newsletter because I am vegetarian, pro animal rights or living green. Surely these things are all nice, but from my personal experience, they are not the most important, yet for some reason they always end up taking most of our free time...

That concludes my super long blog of what I am jumping into right now. Anyone else starting any crazy-arsed projects?

quote

2011-06-16T21:18:00.001+02:00

Sometimes people just say brilliant things. Or do you suppose that some people are just brilliant? Do some people see more than others, or maybe in a different way, or are they just more prone to picking up what needs to be said?

Not a stranger to brilliant sayings myself, I often wish someone would just take the time to write down the few times I have been privileged to exude some oral brilliance.... But then again, I am more prone to saying than doing brilliantly. I wonder if it is so for everyone we quote?

Oh well, lucky for us, some people are recorded, saying so eloquently everything that most people don't even know, or in my experience, refuse to see. Like this guy:

Men, said the Devil,
are good to their brothers:
they don't want to mend
their own ways, but each other's.
~ Piet Hein, poet and scientist (1905-1996)

'nough said....

proof that anyone can just do about anything they want to

2011-06-15T20:02:00.012+02:00

The Wiccan Rede says 'and ye harm none, do what ye will'. (No, I am not Wiccan, but I read a lot and I find this inspiring)

So I know my post on Monday might have had a few of you thinking oh, 'what do you know', but today I would like to introduce you to a few of my virtual friends. Linking back to my post on Monday, about just doing it, here is a list of bloggers that are as about creative as they come in many different ways, along with a guy that is riding roller coasters for a living (I kid you not!)

Jill at Junky Vagabond has a super special eye for spotting junk that she can turn into real treasures. Honestly, this woman can think up something to do with just about anything!

Laura at Forest Walk Art is another uniquely creative person. She takes inspiration not from thrift stores though, but from the forest she lives in. Or nearby. She takes the most beautiful pictures of the world we very rarely tend to look at, but she also makes art with whatever nature gives her (this includes bones and wings of those that left pieces of their earthly body behind). And if you're thinking 'oh gorss', don't judge until you have seen what this lady can do with what nature (and sometimes her clients) give her.

Another photographic artist is Kirsty girl. Reading her blog is like taking the scenic route through her life. She takes pictures of the world wherever she goes, and the result might not be terribly exiting to most people, but they certainly are spectacular. And, at least she's doing it!

So you're thinking 'this is all fine and dandy, but I like things a little more dark', well head on over to Wee Spookeez, a place where you'll find drawings and digital art, but with a twist, proving that there is a place for everyone's individual taste in this world.

Then there's John, who dresses in pink, including the hair, and calls himself the love ambassador. I know this sounds a little funky, but it's all good. John is an artist and he really just wants peace in the world, just like me, only a little more vividly. His life is filled with helping people and maintaining his vlog. He is pretty inspiring.

Now this guy is really amazing: Karol's job in this world is (for now at least) to go around the world riding rollercoasters. Why? Because he felt like it. And that, my dear friends is all the reason you ever need to do anything in this life.

If you ever felt you needed proof, motivation or a reason to just go ahead and do it, the above should be more than enough. And if you don't take the time to at least see what can be done with just the slightest bit of imagination, then I don't really think you want to do anything about doing something.

Life is too short to sit around wasting time wanting to do anything. So start following your bliss today, someone out there is more than willing to help you do so, I promise.

to remind myself

2011-06-14T21:16:00.001+02:00

I have been feeling less overwhelmed lately, mostly because, having finished with my UNISA studies for the semester, I have decided to take a little brake till next year. There are a dew reasons for this: First the fact that I realized that, although I have passed all my subjects, I really did no give it my all and right now I can't recall anything. This is not a good basis for studying anything, so I am revising all my necessary work. Got to get the foundation in order, so to speak, before I move on. Second, in between doing what I wanted and finally knowing what I want to do with my life and starting this studies and raising Guppy, there has just not been any time for me.

So I am also taking time out to remember the reasons why I am putting such an effort into finding what I love and doing what I can to make that what I end up doing with my one life.

The most important reason of course is the fact that this is my higher calling, this is the talent that I am meant to share with the world (and I really am just made for it!).

The second, yet equal, reason is to be able to spend more time with Guppy. I want to be able to arrange things so that I can watch her games, take her to school and pick her up after, help her with her homework or help her remember her speeches or the lines to a play. I want me not being there for her to be the exception, not the rule. I want to be a part of my daughters life, instead of just the one that gave her a ticket in.

So this is my time to get back to basics, both with my studies and with my reasons for pursuing my purpose with all my might.

But don't misunderstand me: I will do whatever I need to, to get where I intend to be and that includes taking time off from some things, whilst still getting up at 4 in the morning to practise my asanas. I am that determined, even though I may need a little reminder.

just do it

2011-06-13T20:54:00.002+02:00

Nah, I haven't started promoting Nike, but I will tell you that they have a very valid point. This post is not about winning, or losing, or even how you play the game for that matter. This is about actually playing the game.

Let me explain:

Very few things in life is so irritating as those people who go around saying 'oh I would love to do x, but I am not y', for example:
I would love to take art lessons, but I am not creative
I would love to run a marathon, but I am not fit enough

I won't bore you with another million examples like these, but I hear them everyday. They're called excuses, in case anyone wasn't clear on that.

We all have lists like these and reasons not to do them, but in the end the only difference between you and the person in the class / busy training is the fact that they are actually doing it. You think they didn't have excuses, fears, firmly held beliefs of not being able / having talent? All those wonderful people that we look up to, have you ever read their life stories? Found out how hard they had to work? Do you know how many times people told them they weren't good enough or weren't going to make it?

If you want to live a life that is remarkable though, even if just to those that love you, you have to get past the buts and on to the doing-ness. It's called life, and if you are not doing the things that you would love to, you are missing out on a huge chunk of it. There are means and ways enough in this world, you just have to want it enough...

No one expects you to turn out Mozart, Van Gogh or Einstein, but you will also never know unless you try. You can't say you are not creative unless you have tried every medium under the sun. You might not work well with paints, but have a real knack for scrapbooking, mosaics or sculpture. You can't say you can't run until you have put in the effort of training, or that you can't do maths until you have practiced it or that you can't play an instrument until you have had a go on every single type out there. I will tell you this though, anyone can learn to do most anything, it's called learning a skill, and you don't need talent to do it. Talent can often be scrounged where people least expect it and those in the know-how will tell you it's not all that. And remember, you don't need to be the master of what you would love to do, just do it, try it and see what it does for you. You can always choose something else to do if it doesn't pan out.

Not one of us was put onto God's good green earth without a talent of some sort. There are so many possibilities out there, and millions of people never find the one they are good at simply because they never even put in the effort to try. Thousands of people pass away each day never having tried out the things they really wanted to and without ever finding the talent that was attributed to them.

I remember this one episode of Friends where the 3 girls go to a tap dancing class. After a few minutes Monica yells out 'I'm not getting it' (and she really isn't, and it bothers her) and Rachel swings by with perfect moves and timing, and Phoebe yells 'I'm so getting it', whereby the other 2 tell her that she's doing it wrong. Her reply? 'Well at least I'm doing it!'.

That's what it's all about y'all... Just doing it.

(Side note: Of course if you don't want to, then you shouldn't go around saying you would love to)

frostbite

2011-06-09T21:32:00.001+02:00

Where I live in South Africa is called the Highveldt. We have he most amazing weather. We get impromptu summer showers, with thunder, lightning and buckets of rain, the whole show. Out here, you carry an umbrella after 3 PM because it will catch you when you least expect it. Of course these days everyone spends their time in an office or the car, rather than watching the flock in the field or weaving a basket, so everyone misses the adventure of being caught so unawares.

Our winters, on the other hand, are quite dry and they can carry quite a bite. But the mornings are perfect for calling it crisp, we get the odd frost and mist is not that strange to us even though it is not Avonlea.

These last few years though it seems that the surprise has gone from our summers, being replaced by an all day event. Not too much of a problem, I love the rain even if it continues for months. Our winters have become rather sharp though, "bone chilling" is perhaps a phrase one could use more effectively.

It seems the Highveldt is retaining some of it's mystery with all these changes. Just this week we had a shower that crossed the border from weird and strange right into eerie. We might also get snow and we've already had hail (hail being a summer event).

Maybe we got to use to the amazing display that cycled through year, or maybe we did not take enough notice, maybe Madame is just shaking her feathers or maybe this is part of a larger movement. Who knows? I am one of those will remain interested in seeing this play itself out.

I don't often talk about the weather, it being for old people and strangers who have exhausted all other topics, but man, someone needs to take note here.

** PS - it has turned ice frikkin cold here in less than a day. Please keep in your hearts the souls that would venture out at a time like this as well as those who don't have the cover and security of a warm abode. Some people need to walk to work in the rain, others need to get up at 4 to catch a bus and still others just plain don't have anywhere to go.

oh dear

2011-06-07T19:19:00.001+02:00

It seems my pc is on the fritz... The verdict is not in yet, although Sparky says it does not look too good. And he's the equivalent of a pc doctor.

I don't know what could have happened... I just opened it up and there was this huge message block saying it could not start up and did I want to repair. Sparky selected repair (I think) and now there is this bar running up and down on the screen telling me that it is repairing (or something). Now I think that in it's pc brain it really believes it can perhaps repair my world, but things don't look too good.

Which means that, at least until I can be a little more certain, I will be blogging from this app on my iPhone, which isn't bad. But it isn't great either. It also means that I will only be able to approve comments when my pc is better. It also means that I am unable to keep up the roll I was on for commenting on my followers' blogs, as well as he ones that I follow.

Neale Donald Walsch said that when something bad happens, instead of seeing it as something that went wrong, you should see it as something that went unexpectedly right, for reasons not yet apparent.

Maybe I should have named it, referring to it as pc seems a lot like referring to the the cat as Cat... Maybe that's why it went all kawasaki on me.

Either that or it wished to be the Apple I always wanted, but never got for very many reasons unknown to me...

blogastrophe

2011-06-06T18:23:00.001+02:00

Just and FYI - I don't know if anyone is experiencing this problem, but I do know there are several blogging issues going around. Mine is thus: it seems that when I post a piece, it doesn't always do so. Especially those I schedule.

I hope they get it sorted. In the meantime, accept my apologies if you visited and did not find something new at the normal time.

fumer

2011-06-03T16:05:00.001+02:00

** my apologies, it seems I thought this post was posted, turns out it wasn't **

I will not bore you with all the dangers of smoking. You know all of that already and obviously you don't care if you are still smoking.

I will however tell you this: If you smoke, so will your child. Now, wanting the best for our kids, do you really want that? And don't think that all the talking and forbidding you do has any effect. Not even cancer scares family members to stop smoking.

And your child will smoke if you do.

Just check her out: See how she tries to wear your shoes; See how she tries on your make up, or wants to wear lipstick if you are putting it on.

Just look what he does: See how he tries to be big and strong like his father; See how he to grow up to be just what his daddy is.

If you smoke, in some part of a child's brain they link it to being grown up, along with having money, drinking alcohol, going to see whatever movie you want, driving and eating whatever you choose. It's part of being grown up. So once they start feeling that they should be seen as grown ups, they will start doing things that grown ups do, or at least the things they think grown ups do.

Scientifically it has been proven that children hardly ever think about why you do what you do, nor do they listen. Nope. Children watch what you do, more carefully than you realise. And they make strange links as to what these actions mean in their lives. And then go and do the same.

Of course, I can't guarantee that not smoking will produce a non-smoker. I smoked for 10 years and neither of my parents smoke. But then, a lot of my family members do, or did in some cases. Maybe the percentage becomes lower with family members, but it is still there.

Smoking is one of the worst habits simply because you affect others as well yourself, unlike bad eating habits. So you smoke outside. The bad stuff doesn't somehow disappear or dissolve. It becomes diffused, yes, but it does not evaporate. Added to this the fact that it seeps into your skin and your clothes and every time you hug someone, you transfer it over.

I am not saying you should stop smoking tomorrow (well, I am, but I am not your master and I will never force you too), but just start entertaining the idea that it might be as bad as you think it is; Cancer is a horrible way to day and an even worse way to watch someone die. Stop justifying it, and admit it is not good. Then think that maybe you could stop one day.

There are a million programs out there and they will all aid you to stop (Smoke Enders is apparently very good, for those South Africans who would like to give it a go).

Well. just think about it.

PS - Do read the South African Main Provisions of Bill B-7 2008, just to give you an idea of what you are choosing. Like I always say, make choices based on knowledge, because choosing to ignore something is no choice at all.

sugar blues.... amongst other things

2011-06-01T16:44:00.004+02:00

** my apologies, it seems this post was not posted when I posted it, which was Wednesday **

Continuing on the spree of health this week, I would like to spread the word on the effects of sugar.

NOW before you go AWOL on me, saying that you only use a teaspoon a day in your coffee, please take note that you are severely uneducated about sugar and where it finds itself if you truly believe this.

Here is the fact: We are taking in about 50 times more sugar than we did a decade ago. A decade people! This means that your little one is ingesting 50 times more sugar than you did as a child. It is in all our processed foods and anything that is refined (bread, pasta, milk, yoghurt, tomato sauce, mustard, take away and junk food, basically anything that is no longer in its original form), sometimes hidden and sometimes clearly stating SWEETENED. The reason for this is that when it comes to refined and processed foods, we are currently taking so much out of it that our food taste like cardboard. Added to this the fact that due to things like MSG and other taste enhancing chemicals, our taste buds are no longer able to taste normal foods and sugar allows our taste buds to open up wider thereby receiving more taste.

(NOTE: This is of course the non medical method of explaining things)

And what, you might be thinking, is the danger of sugar? And now we are talking about plain sugar of course.

Well, you see, sugar acidifies your blood, basically eating away at you. Not all at once of course, otherwise we would no longer be using sugar at all. No, it eats away slowly at your tissue, your bones, your teeth enamel and your muscles. In addition, this acid condition of your blood (which by the way, is completely unnatural and humans function optimally in an alkaline state) inhibits your immune system and the production of more white blood sells that are there to protect you. The molecules of sugar are also irregular, so once they are taking into your bloodstream, they cause severe damage by cutting into your arteries. Of course if it did not affect your body's natural ability to heal, this might not have been so bad...

Some of the more obvious results of sugar are things like diabetes, hypertension and weight issues. Some consequences that you might not be aware of will be things like yeast growth, enlarged kidneys (kidney failure is extremely dangerous, especially in little children), liver enlargement, hyperactivity (also linked to being lethargic, not just being over active), heart disease, addiction and ulcers. Due to all of the strain your body takes up in addition to being acidic, sugar also causes cancer as cancer thrives in acidic conditions. And then are things like PMS and depression and the fact that sugar actually deters the brain from working properly as it should.

Then there are things like corn syrup. I know, it's a vegetable, right? Wrong. Corn syrup is a new addition to preservatives and taste enhancing substances that has found it way into our processed food. The problem with corn syrup is that it will deal your body a double blow: First by secreting the hormone that tells you that you are in fact hungry, then by inhibiting the hormone that can tell you when you are full. So you just go right on eating. This messes with your body's metabolism, it's natural messaging and craving system and it kind off makes you stupid about what your body is trying to tell you about its hunger pains. And of course, in addition, you have a substance that is messing around with the most brilliant factory ever created and on which you depend for your life: Your Hormone Factory. It is perfect, but we tend to stuff it up in manners like this.

Advice on this is rather simple:

Read your labels mommies (and teach daddies how) - you may mail me on nadya at journey-keeper dot com if you would like advice or shortlists in this regard
Read up, whether it is via google or via the library, know your stuff
Keep it natural, keep it unprocessed as far as possible and refrain from refined foods. They have nothing more to give.
Learn to cook with natural sweeteners.
And if you ever get the chance, read the book called Sugar Blues.

Life is a journey, make sure you keep your vehicle in the best condition that you can.

look good, feel better

2011-05-31T13:00:00.040+02:00

This Saturday past, I had the privilege to be a part of something grand. But first, as always , some information:

The Look Good Feel Better organisation does amazing work here in South Africa. It's all about giving female cancer patients their dignity back, helping them to feel confident and beautiful as well.

Being a woman has so many facets and the question "what makes me a woman?" is one that will never be answered satisfactorily. Suffice it to say that any disease, of which cancer is the most prominent, can strip a person of their strength, their vitality and all the things that we use to express to the world that we are indeed, us.

And this is where Look Goof Feel Better comes in. They provide female cancer patients with a beauty workshop, makeup tips for the dry and brittle skin patients may encounter, advice for the nails like claws or the nails like paper, some solutions for the disappearing eyebrows, but most of all, they provide a safe environment in which woman get together, talk and share themselves once again, knowing there are others that are experiencing what they are and that they can still tell the world who they are, they just have to acquire a new set of skills.

So this Saturday, Look Good Feel Better held a wonderful lady's breakfast, with amazing speakers, wonderful prizes and to top it all off, a Swishing Party. What is a Swishing Party, you might ask. (Well, according to Sparky, just like any event that I go to that sounds weird, it is a female event of pillow fighting in our birthday suites, or underwear. Sometimes it entails running naked in the woods. You can see why he is called Sparky right about now, can't you?)

For real though, a swishing party is basically a clothes swap party, where everyone brings something and you get to take the same amount of somethings home. I got 5. Did not think I would find 5 somethings of someone else that I would want, but I did. This is a wonderful way to get some new items for your wardrobe without spending lots of cash. I encourage all ladies out there to host one sooner or later.

It was a wonderful day and really, an eye opener. One of the speakers, Louise Licina, is the supplier of the organic products that I sell via Gentle Trader. I found out that she had once been a cancer patient. (How is it that the people we encounter almost every day, remains strangers to us?) She gave a wonderful and interesting presentation, and I would just like to share some of that with you:

1900: Cancer is the 10th leading cause of deaths in the USA, responsible for only 3% of all deaths. By the end of the 20th century, it is 20%.
1935: Only 1 case of cancer reported among the Inuit of Alaska and Canada in the previous 50 years. From here until the 70's, after the Inuits adopt a processed food diet, their cancer rate explodes until it rivals other US and Canadian consumers.
1947: Sex hormones are first introduced into livestock production to add more fat and weight on animals. One of these hormones, is hailed as the most important development in the history of food production. Several decades later DES will be found to cause cancer. Even after the FDA bans this substance, illegal doses of DES will still be administered to cattle. (I urge you to also look at the use of estrogen mimicking substances that are legally allowed in cattle production - excess estrogen being cancer causing (not maybe, is) and also related to the increase of breast cancer in men, along with the early onset of puberty of our daughters.)
1972: The USA EPA bans the pesticide DDT for its cancer causing potential in humans (this poison can still be detected in our earth though, and in some produces from land where DDT was once used).
1974: The FDA approves the artificial sweetener 'aspartame' after its manufacturer, GD Searle & Company submits results showing its safety. A year later an FDA task force will find evidence that some of the data submitted by Searle had been falsified to hide results showing animals fed aspartame had developed seizures and brain tumours, but no recall or ban will be enacted. FYI - this is the sweetener that goes into diet colas and other sodas, yoghurt, chewing gum, crisps, tabletop sweeteners and others. You can find lists by googling the sweeteners name, or just clicking on the link I supplied. NOTE: this list is by no means all inclusive.)
1997: A study in the medical journal Pediatrics reports the results of a survey of 17000 girls that finds that by the age of 8, about 1 in 7 white girls and 1 in 2 black girls are starting puberty, with breast growth and pubic hair. The explanations seems to be their diet and the chemicals accumulated in the body.
1999: As of this year, more than 25000 cosmetic chemicals are in use. Less than 4% of these cosmetic ingredients have been tested for safety in humans. (How many of these do you think are tested in combination with one another...?)
2002: The centre of disease control and prevention reports a study in which 289 persons were tested and every one of their bodies was found a plasticiser dibutyl phalate (DBP), a toxic ingredient used in cosmetics, primarily in nail polish.
2007: Stanford University biologists report that musk fragrances, used to improve the smell of detergents, soaps, air fresheners, shampoos, perfumes and colognes, escape unscathed from municipal sewage treatment processes and accumulate in the tissues of fish, mussels, and other invertebrates. Japan previously banned musk xylene as a toxic threat to humans.

"exposure to toxic chemicals and a combination of generic and toxic chemical factors cause about 28% of all developmental defects, affecting 120 000 infants born each year" ~ National Research Council Commission on Life Sciences Study, 2000

The era of Taking Responsibility is here. We are no longer able to just sit back and say, 'well it worked for my parents.' You have to face the fact that the world is no longer the same. Although the truth is out there, it is often not presented to you, therefore we, as the creators of the next generation, their wealth, health and longevity, need to go out there and find the information that is being obscured, holding those that hide it accountable.

Of course, we still fail to connect the dots (my favourite theme). As I was sitting at my table, giving applause to Louise as she shared her journey and her findings, I saw a woman opposite me pop no less than 2 sticks of gum into her

mouth, after we had just been told about the effects of aspartame in some detail.

It seems that ignorance is often still a choice we make. But it is still a choice you make, one that will affect the next generation, your daughter, or her children to follow, but never again will you be able to say 'but I did not know'. This is the age of information after all and all that you could perhaps get away with is 'I did not want to know'.

ode to the hero....

2011-05-30T11:30:00.002+02:00

Part of my subject choice for this semester is Classical Studies: A study of classical antiquity, more specifically, their literature (obvious as it is part of a BA Literature course) although a very summarised insight is given on their life style as well, simply because you can't study literature without studying the society that brought it on.

In a very interesting article, Charles Krauthammer (Time, Feb 10, 1997) discusses The end of Heroism. (PS - this article is referenced in my study guide, but even though I searched for quite some time, I could not find it. If you have the time though, do browse by my search results, the man has some pretty thought provoking insights. And also, everyone needs to be able to claim that they have read a noble prize winner.) It is a pretty insightful piece, allow me to quote:

A sample of the historical figures currently being lionized at U.S. theatres: one fascist (Evita), on Nazi agent (The English Patient), and a pornographer with a penchant for sadistic misogyny (The People vs Larry Flynt). Is this just an unusual run of the Hollywood perversity?
I think not. It is, rather, a reflection of how hard heroes are to come by today. When you are estranged from the experience - the very idea - of heroism, as Americans are, you improvise.
This is not an anti-heroic time like the '60's, a time of protest when it was important to make John Wayne and G.I.Joe into scoundrels. No, ours is merely an unheroic time.
...
But what else is there to do? In this century - I dare say, in the life of this country - Americans have never known a time of such profound tranquility at home and abroad. Anxiety, yes. There is no life without anxiety. But danger? Risk? Threat? Challenge?
From Where?
...
"How dull it is to pause, to make an end," laments Tennyson's Ulysses upon his return home from Itacha. After Troy and Circe and Cyclops, he rests and reigns, "an idle king...I mete and dole unequal laws unto a savage race, that hoard, and sleep and feed." Home safe at last. And miserable.
Americans are living Ulysses' nightmare. Our wars are done, our wishes granted. Now we suffer the consequences: the quiet satisfactions, the banality, the normality. We made it through Scylla and Charybdis - and now what? We seek out large, dark rooms to cheer Juan Peron and his consort.

What did I tell you? Very interesting. Of course it was written over a decade ago, and it seems we have moved on from the bad-person hero. Now we have mutants, robots, wizards, magic and super-people to idolize.

Seriously. We have moved very comfortably from the freedom fighters (or is that terrorists?), unthinkable, to the unreal. You might ask why. And I would have no answer for you, except to maybe put it out there that we are so busy trying to avoid the real issues in the world, that we are already living in a fantasy world. Or perhaps it is because we believe the issues of this world to be so great that we think only fantasy heroes and magic can save us. Maybe. Who knows?

Of course we also have wars again as well, which is why people are no longer fighting the system via our movies and entertainment world, but once again fighting each other, or some representative of all that is wrong with the world.

But what can you do? As long as we refuse to learn the lessons provided to us, we will end up repeating the same old cycles, although the view might differ slightly.

The reason for this post: I would like to propose a new set of heroes. People who are truly out there, taking action in favour of a better world. In fact, they are simply battling it daily so that we might end up still having a world. These are the people that make sure that those disgusting people who tread sludge all over our Mother's fragile carpet, pays for the dry cleaning; These are the people who make sure that all our Mother's children are treated with respect and working to end the suffering of all; These are the people that want to protect our Mother's wealth so that those who come after us, also have something to call theirs...

This is my list:

PETA
RAN
OCEANA
GreenPeace
GreenPeace Africa
WWF (not the wrestling)

Alone we can do so little; Together we can do so much. ~ Helen Keller

You may browse through the sites if you please, but we don't always have time and a lot of us just don't want to know what is really going on there. So I invite you to just ponder these few points, and do about them what you can:

1. The water that you send down the drain eventually comes back to you, and even though it is relatively clean (relatively meaning a standard that is put in place simply because the effects show up much later and no one is connecting the dots yet), there are some chemicals which simply can't be removed, and by the time some of them do get removed, they have already travelled into our food, fish and livestock and won't break down before they reach your table.

2. The water that you comes from your tap gets treated with chlorine and fluoride in order to 'clean' it. Both of these are know carcinogens (cancer causing agents).

3. Consider changing to bio-degradable and natural agents. This is safer for our world, but not only our world, also for our children. You will never have to keep a poison chart for in case your kids accidentally swallow these products; Your kids can eat of the floor and you don't have to worry about what goes in; Your fury animal friends can lie on the floor and you don't have to worry about what their skins absorb (which is about 60% of anything we come into contact with).

4. Read the labels of your beauty products: Don't let your beauty come at the cost of others. This entails both the testing on animals, as well as ingredients being fair trade.

5. Try to consume less. Your life will never be measured by anything that you buy and if it is, you will find it very cheap. Buy less and you will find that you need less and that you might remember the stuff that really matters. When you do buy things however, consider going for the less packaged items, and recycling the packaging that your stuff ends up coming with. Also, avoid polystyrene. It's just a bad invention.

6. Our rubbish dumps are fast overflowing. Much of this can be recycled. Try a recycling plan. Reuse or Repair things around the house. Very little will ever feel as satisfying. If you really don't want it anymore, donate it. No matter the state or the item, someone else can always use it.

No one made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. ~ Edmund Burke

Our earth is heaving under our usage. The problem being that we have become so many and in order to accommodate the vast number of us, we need to process foods and make enough money for everyone, and unfortunately that means that a lot of people out there are not placing due consideration on the effects of certain chemicals on either the earth, or people. You would think that as a consumer, those that want your money should have your back, but they don't. Interests only lie in the buck that can be made now and the dots that we fail to connect are making these people ever powerful. The result is a lifestyle that kills, with chemicals that give our children cancer and our world pain. We are enslaving the beings of the world, making them suffer and then we wonder why there is still suffering in the world.

But you don't need to go ballistic with worry, or even with care, a few simple steps will make any home safe and caring towards the world.

Just take a few minutes every once in while to think of where things come from, the state they are in when you get them and where they are going once you are done with it. Don't try to justify your actions, if you decide to do something, make peace with it and acknowledge the depth of your steps on this earth. Denial is the greatest travesty in these times.

Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can. ~ Lowell Thomas

Watch this video, to see just some of the things that are currently taking place in our world, and the people that are bringing accountability to the Destroyers of our world, you might be surprised to find that there are still some heroes left in this world, the kind that fights for all of the world, not just to starve off boredom:

PS - if you happen to find 5 minutes in your possession that you are willing to spend, please read The 100 Year Lie, or just take a look at the website. You will be amased at what we are unaware of in our lives. You will never again use the terms to the like of "If our parents used it / ate it, it's ok with me" once you are able to see how much our world has changed in order to accommodate our growing numbers.

We cannot do great things. We can only do little things with great love. ~ Mother Theresa

mamma's losing it writing prompts

2011-05-27T15:00:00.004+02:00

Usually I don't post here on Fridays, but I seem to be on fire this week. You will therefore, find a post here, as well as on Talking to Trees.

Mama Kat host's a Writer's Workshop and she sends out weekly prompts of which you can choose. So you already know why I love prompts, most often because they spark a thought, a topic or an inspiration. One of the prompts this week as: Not your mother's daughter.... how do you parent differently than your mother did? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? (there is a list of 5, so you are bound to find something if you are stumped for a post. ALSO - there is a vlog idea for an about me vlog which I am SO gonna do. Soon.)

Here is what this prompt sparked in thought:

~~~~

I won't exactly claim that I am not my mother's daughter, and I don't think anyone ever could. We all have good and bad things, things that we keep and things that we discard when it comes to how we parent vs how we were parented.

Long before I even conceived of having a child though, I made the decision that I would be a conscious parent and be the parent that my child needed, as opposed to being the parent that my parents were, because no 2 souls in this world ever need the same parent. I also made the choice to attend to what my child needed as opposed so moulding my child to what I expected her to be. Who she is a soul choice and I have no right to interfere, I can only guide her to what I feel she needs when I take note of who she is. (make sense? it is extremely hard to explain)

I can't tell you were my mother came from, or what her philosophies were, but I can tell you that she was young and had her own set of things to deal with in a time when she should not have been expected to do so. I can also tell you that she did her best with what she was given. Maybe not 100% her best 100% of the time, but very definitely, 100% of what she was able to give.

Here is what I have retained from her rearing of me, and my siblings:

always tell your child(ren) how much you love them, in fact, do it several times a day

never skimp on hugs

healthy eating habits are acquired while still in the womb and something that a child will always return to

in fact, your children will return to whatever you taught them eventually with regards to truth, happiness and love

read as much as you possibly can

people are to be treasured regardless off their skin colour

when dealing with animals, remember that they can suffer too

support what your child is or needs to be, regardless

labels and material things are not to be valued above anything else - EVER!

marry, live and strive for love in all things

Society today is a lot different than then, and not to say that what she did was wrong, but here are things I do differently or extra with Guppy:

my parenting is a 'we' parenting, me and Sparky together, and that is perhaps the biggest change

Guppy is not subjected to hidings because I once told her, as she slapped Sparky, that we don't hit the ones we love and there and then that decision was made

we recognise that Guppy has as much to teach us, as we have to teach her

hugs are all important, but sometimes kissing someone is gross, so we do a lot of hugging, but don't always pressure for a kiss

talking talking talking - always and about everything, me and Guppy share in honesty

we don't hide our imperfections: we get angry, we get sad and we make mistakes, but we can always say we're sorry and try to fix things

we don't go out during the week, because lack of sleep renders us grumpy and that's not good for the family that we are

I promised to be hands on mommy and I intend to keep that promise, but I am not above asking for help although it does mean that we make decisions together with Guppy when they will affect her

natural is best, even when it comes to medicine

holistic is the key when it comes to health and happiness

Guppy is a vegetarian like her mommy (she can choose when she is able to)

mommy does yoga and Guppy joins, doing simple breathing exercises as well

green living is important, so we impart our knowledge on recycling, reusing and repairing, but most of all of not living in excess

Guppy is her own person, therefore we sometimes have to give allowance to who she is as well, and not just to the grown ups in the family

stear away from labels

we know that we make choices now, but know and accept that Guppy may someday choose differently - we are committed to accepting that

we have no expectations of Guppy, but instead will allow her to set her own and show us what she can be

always and in everything claim love

always and in everything be aware and be conscious of who Guppy is and what she may need, there is no book to tell me how to raise Guppy

It's not fool proof, and I often find myself stopping, breathing and having to start again because we are programmed to run on auto, to run on what we were taught.

While raising Guppy though, I have been given the most wondrous gift: to work through my own childhood with grown up emotions and thoughts and feelings. All the traumas that we experience while we grow up: Teething; Pain; Loss; Rejection; Abandonment; etc. All of these I get to work through now again, as a grown up. Not many people do this: Thinking about how the experience might have affected who they are now, but by doing this each time your child has to go through an event, whether physical or spiritual or emotional, you are able to come to terms with your own events even though they might not be precisely the same.

Perhaps it is correct to say that I am indeed my mother's daughter, for had she not raised me as she did, would I have been the person that I am? Because even though the actions may be different, their cause all lie in my mother's actions towards me.

In my daughter I have been given an additional companion in this weird and wonderful life and I appreciate her so, knowing ours will never be a mother-daughter relationship, but rather a soul-soul relationship. And even though my mother and I might have a slightly different relationship, I still have her to thank for this.

Seeing a child as a person in their own right, knowing that they have come to walk their way and play their part, acknowledging what they have to give to you... these are just some of the things that will change your view of any child forever.

reflections in the mirror

2011-05-26T16:45:00.001+02:00

Over the weekend I found a new site for writing prompts. Personally, I love prompt writing and for these reasons:

Having such a busy schedule, it is absolutely divine to have someone tell you what to write about.
It gets my writing muscles some exercise, forces it to follow a train of thought instead of just having it floundering about it thought heaven.
It keeps me writing.
It forces me to write (although I could always skip the prompt writing, I know).

This new site is from Jenny Matlock (blog is of the same name), off my tangent... In fact, it seems that she has quite a few regular running prompts going, as well as a story line of her own.

The Saturday Centus prompt is a 100 word prompt and this week was Reflections in the Mirror. Of course this brings up a whole wonderful world of thought:

Can you look yourself in the eye when you look in the mirror?
How true is what you see of yourself in the mirror?
What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?
What do you see in your own eyes?
What is it like in a world where everything is the other way around and where no words are ever spoken?

But that's just me. You might possible have more and better questions or thoughts in response to this prompt. Let me know. Maybe I can give the topic another go.

You can find my piece on Talking to Trees, my poetry and creative writing blog. It is simply called by the prompt, reflections in the mirror. Unfortunately I was a bit late to link up on the site, but next time.

The other prompt line she has is Alphabe-Thursday. She simply gives you a letter of the alphabet and you have to blog about that letter. I am looking to do that one too, but there is also the red dress club prompt to consider for Fridays....

Either way, for the next 2 days, please find me writing over on my writing blog, Talking to Trees. I am sure you will enjoy what you find there.

your life in a day

2011-05-25T16:45:00.020+02:00

This seems to be a bit of a theme this week, but here are a few questions that pertain to your dash and the values of your life, the meaning of your life (of course the meaning is assigned by yourself, don't go around asking other's opinions in this regard):

If today, this day, whichever one it is for you, was to be your legacy that you leave behind, what would you do?

First I would like to ask that you take a look at your current day and just for a moment think that if it was really the end of the world today, and this day got stuck in history, what, if anything, could be said about your life?
Perhaps a little bit more practical: If today was the end of YOUR world, your life, what, if anything, could be said about it?
THEN: Think about today, the one that has passed as you get into bed, and for a moment imagine this was your legacy... What are you leaving behind? What did you build in others? What did you break? See yourself through the eyes of the world, or at least those closest to you and ask yourself what have you helped them to become? What have you become yourself?

** just a key note to all: buildings collapse and are torn down, they lose their value, cars are easily replaced, money will only ever last so long and clothes go out of fashion... what we are talking about here are the things that last... love, support, values, living a life that falls under 'roll-model', teaching, healing, inspiring... you may see things differently, but very few people are remembered for their material leftovers. **

Now, back to the question at hand:

If today, this day, whichever one it is for you, was to be your legacy that you leave behind, what would you do?

Whatever your answer to the question as above, the next one is:

Are you doing this already?

The final question in this session is also related to the answer above:

If the answer is no, why are you not doing this already?

The last 2 questions are about who you are. What would you do? That's what you would love the people you love to remember you as. The last question is based on the sad fact that most of simply do what we have to in order to get by. We never find our voice, what we truly are or need to be. The largest part of the world's population is just scrounging by, wondering why things don't work, why they aren't happy, why they don't jump for joy when each day breaks. Very few people ever get up and say 'I want to ...' and then do it.

The truth is, if you want to live, you have to find your way and express it daily. Those are the ripples of your life, that is your legacy. Anything else is just doing the mundane. Don't get me wrong here. You don't have to be popular, famous, rich or live loudly to have a legacy. No. Legacy is wrapped in the lives of those that follow you, who are what you made them, or helped them to be. Legacy might not remember your name, but it will follow in the footsteps that you set out, or at least use the guide(s) that you supply. Legacy can be good and it can be bad. But it can also be great.

Mostly though, legacy lies in what you leave behind in people's hearts.

Every day is your choice about what you leave behind and every single thing that you do is something that someone else takes to heart and makes their own.

Your life will touch lives. That's your legacy. Now you decide what you want that to be. It is after all, YOURS.

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. ~ Annie Dillard

your dash

2011-05-24T16:45:00.002+02:00

I found this (again), and I thought about what a powerful reminder this is, about what is truly important in this life.

It seems to me that all over our modern world, people are chasing things: money; power; security; beauty; and anything else that they believe will bring them security or happiness.

I have not been in this world very long, or at least, not long enough, to tell you that I have gained wisdom, but in 33 years of living on this beautiful earth of ours, I have come to know the following:

Life is short

Life is wonderful

Everyday should be a testimony to who you are

If you aren't living your truth, enjoy every wondrous day that is sent to you, then you aren't living at all

Life is not half as serious as we make it out to be

At least 80% of the world population is living for 'some day' when they can truly start their lives

We spend more time in the office than we do doing things that we love and the logic should be that the pay-off should be worth it, right? But instead our society is plagued with stress-diseases, kids are getting cancer, families are falling apart and people are unhappy the majority of their live. How did we get here? Weren't things suppose to get better? Why are we working longer and harder than we did 50 yers ago and why can no household do without 2 salaries anymore?

So here's my challenge to you:

Live your life to the fullest

Make those choices you are scared to

Make sure that when you get out of bed in the morning, you are happy to do so

Do things simply because you want to, because that is what life (and joy) is ultimately about

No one will stand up at your eulogy and talk about how rich you were (not even at Oprah's funeral), how much you had or how many hours you spent at the office (unless only your work colleagues show up);
People will mention the effect you had on them, make sure it's good and uplifting;
People will mention the goodness that came from your heart, make sure it does;
People will talk about the support you gave them, the understanding, the love and the exemplary life you led, make sure it is good enough to live up to and remember.

I could talk for hours about life and how it should be lived, simply because I can talk for hours, but if you asked me to summarise it all, I would tell you to make sure at all times that the life you live is authentic, and then help others to reach their own authenticity as well. Take a trip outside yourself once in a while and see the environment you are creating for yourself and others, the craters you leave and the trees that you plant. Love others and yourself.

(that's a summary in my world)

Then read this poem and make the decision about your dash:

I read of a man who stood to speak

at the funeral of a friend

He referred to the dates on her tombstone

from the beginning to the end

He noted that first came her date of her birth

and spoke the following date with tears,

But he said what mattered most of all

was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time

that she spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved her

Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;

the cars, the house, the cash,

what matters is how we live and love

and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.

Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left,

that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough

to consider what’s true and real

and always try to understand

the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,

and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives

like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,

and more often wear a smile

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read

with your life’s actions to rehash

would you be proud of the things they say

about how you spent your dash?

It will never be anyone else's choice, but yours.

simplicity is key

2011-05-23T16:45:00.058+02:00

I believe that simplicity is the key to an effective life. I also believe that most people don't realise what simplicity truly entails AND that simplicity is rarely given a chance in our modern western world.

Frederic Chopin once said: “Simplicity is the final achievement. After one has played a vast quantity of notes and more notes, it is simplicity that emerges as the crowning reward of art.”

I think he was right, especially when you look at what a battle our society has to simplify our lives, but how reluctant we are to let go of the obviously complicating factors... Simplicity is most definately something which is arrived at, at the end, the crowning reward not only of art, but also of life.

Here is my shortlist of addictions that complicate our lives, things we are (probably) the most unwilling to let go off, even for the sake of simplicity:

being unhealthy
debt
being on every chat and social networking site this side of the sun
watching television (at least regularly or feeling that you absolutely cannot miss an episode of this, that or the other thing)
not taking leave or sick leave when required
smoking
having an inability to see people as, well, people
always needing things to be perfect
always wanting to give your best
not having a place for everything or putting it in its place immediately

These things complicate our lives and rob us of our time by requiring more work, more effort and more down time when the consequences of these actions become evident, which is often not immediately and the reason why we don't realise that we can fix it. Connect the dots is not something that most people are well known for. If we could just learn that things don't always need to be perfect, people are just people and they will make mistakes or do things their way from time to time, but things in their place will safe you time looking and sometimes the difference between doing your best and just doing it right is only a lot of wasted time and effort, we would be instantly wiser. Of course having less stuff and fewer bills to pay also work.

"The simplest things are often truest." Richard Bach

I am most often amazed by those people who will tell you that family is what is truly important, yet spend the very least amount of time with those they claim to love the most, but will spend all of their time working at paying bills and buying things that don't last and won't be missed. How many people do you know that have said on their death bed that they really regret not buying that PS3 or not getting to see the end of Desperate Housewives? These things matter only because of the value that we give them, not because of any inherent factor.

Things that will simplify your life and give you extra time, are:

regular checkups with the doctor or holistic healer (prevention is better than cure)
75% healthy eating habits, fresh air and any type of moving about that suites your life and personality
having a hobby that alleviates stress
taking leave or sick leave when your body tells you to
realising that people are just people, things happen and that sometimes you just have to make the best of a situation
having a uniform for work (depending on the dress code, having a few chosen pants and sweaters with alternate shirts shaves valuable minutes of your routine in the morning)
simplifying makeup and hair routines, even more effective is realising your true beauty and that no product could ever improve on that (not to say you should not use anything, just that simple is better, even in beauty)
keeping things in a place allocated and making sure they get back there at the end of the day
doing things well, instead of to perfection every time
setting up allocated days (e.g. Sunday we do washing, Monday we iron, Tuesday ... routine helps a lot to take the effort out of having to think about the last time you did something or when something is due next)
spending time with your loved ones helps you to know your family and to realise when something is wrong before calamity strikes
ask questions, don't make assumptions
buy only what you can afford comfortably
stay away from debt (apart from the few big items like a car, a house and insurance, but even insurance goes down when you have less stuff and the need for faster, bigger and better in houses and cars are also nullified)
organise your handbag
do as much as you can before you go to bed

"For every minute spent organising, an hour is earned."

The list could go on and on. In the end what it boils down to is simply to take stock of your life, evaluate the systems and objects in your world and assess their value and meaning, not only what you assign to them, but also what they add to your life or, in some cases, take away. Keep a journal of your time, just a week or two will give you a pretty good idea of where things get tangled up and where you lose time. It usually lies in having too many bills to pay, looking for something that should be in its place, scrambling around for things when you are late, not knowing what is going on in the lives of those you love and not being wiling to ask for clarity when needed.

Personally speaking, I love being organised. Being a mother has placed a new marker on my value system though, and I had to re-assess my life according to the things that became most important overnight, as well as suddenly not having extra time anymore. We all have to do this sooner or later and what we should end up with are the few things that are truly important in our lives, as opposed to the many that simply complicated things.

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Leonardo Da Vinci

remember remember

2011-05-20T20:39:00.001+02:00

Just a friendly reminder that on Friday's I post to my creative writing blog, Talking to Trees (www.poetrytalkingtotrees.blogspot.com).

Do roll on over if you have a chance. 

routine me

2011-05-19T21:57:00.001+02:00

I love routine! Not that I am the kind off person who sticks to it regardless, but I do find that it simplifies life on the everyday kind of stuff. Honestly, I get a little over-zealous with my planning and of late I have come to realize that it it might just be best to look a day or 3 ahead, rather than the full nine yards.

It's an easy way to get things done and to make sure that I get them done in time.

Right now my main goal is to get my studies in for my exam in June, as well as to keep my yoga practices running for my yoga teacher's training. So it's early to rise and much later to bed than is good for me, but hey, how much sleep does anyone really need? (actually it's a safe bet that it's a lot more than I am getting right now, but some things are just that important)

I am aware of burn-out and it is something that I always have to look out for, but right now there is a lot to get done. This is the case most of the time lately...

When did I become a busy person?!

But I have to say that these are things I love. I love yoga and what it gives me. I like my studies and what I get from that. I like the person I am when I am doing these things that I live and I love the person I am able to become through these elements in my life.

Tonight at yoga class I was given a huge compliment: My teacher said that I have a great teaching voice, that she could see I had been practicing my asanas and knew them very well and everyone thought I am a natural teacher. It was the writing on the wall, the coming home after the war...

And routine will help get me there on 2 conditions: that it does not become the be all and end all of every thing I do thereby creating an inflexibility that might break me; and that it remains short sighted - I lose control if I plan to far ahead.

It's just a tool, a means to an end. But I do love it when things are just so in my diary and I can see it working and where I am going.

voting

2011-05-18T20:42:00.001+02:00

So I'm still on the voting thing. It is quite frankly, something that I am pretty passionate about and I proudly did my part today. And we got a public holiday today for doing so, something which I feel those who do not go to vote should not get, but be that as it may.

Even if you feel that voting is a sham and the votes don't count blah blah blah, then just remember that each time you stand in line at the voting stations you hold up a picture of your country to the world. And by holding this picture up to the world, you hold your leaders responsible to act in a certain way in order to keep up this image that is projected and of which voting forms a part.

Yes, I know it will not always keep your leaders' actions in line, but it at least holds them responsible in a larger arena.

Like I said before, not voting because you think it does not count, is like not taking a bath because you'll get dirty again.

You do what you can because you can. It is a gift, one that a lot of people in the world yearn for and one that you would miss if it were taken away. So use it now while you have a chance.

This will be my last piece on voting. 

voting day

2011-05-17T22:12:00.001+02:00

Tomorrow (about 2 hours away) is voting day in South Africa. Yes, we are a democracy, a very civilized one in fact. It's only the local elections though, not the national one, but still important. It therefore is rather a surprise to find how very few people will in fact, go and vote.

South Africans don't get nearly as passionate about their right to vote, local or national and that saddens me. Was it not after all, what all the hoo-ha was about? Equal rights? Right to vote? Etc. We were one of the first countries to give voting rights to women though (white ones anyway), without much of a quibble, I might add. In all honesty though, it was simply a plot to get more votes in some early election, I forget the whole story...

Anyway, back to voting day:

I take pride in my right to vote. I don't make assumptions about how much it counts or works or such. I do what I can because I can. Not voting because you assume it does not count is like not getting up in the morning because what's the use if you're gonna end up in bed again anyway.

So many countries and people don't have the right to vote. Some women aren't even allowed to make choices about which shoes to wear, let alone vote. In some countries, rape is not a crime. I say be grateful for the many gifts that are yours and the choices that you are allowed to make, and if one of them is the right to stand in a line for hours, draw a cross and do my part, even if it is only to show that we are in fact working on something here, then I for one will do it again and again. Your country gives you much and asks for only a little. This is your job. This is the part that you play.

Happy voting day SA! 

r&r

2011-05-16T17:00:00.001+02:00

I don't think I have ever met anyone that is immune to stress. There are some people that hide it away to such a degree that they themselves are not even aware of it. There are others who take it out on the people around them. Still others clench up and let their back and shoulder muscles do all the work. I am one of the last ones. My shoulders are so tightly wound you could serve tea on them. This is in actual fact what we should try and avoid.

It is a sad state of our Western World that, despite stress being the leading killer and disease generator, despite loads of new jobs that have originated because of the prominence stress takes up in our lives, very few people seek the help they need to deal with stress. Even fewer are able to deal with stress naturally and by themselves. Many believe they don't have stress at all simply because it is such a part of their lives that they don't even realise it anymore.

Without getting into the health side too hectically, let me just note that stress, even just a little, puts unhealthy strain on your heart, elevates your blood pressure, increases your risk for several diseases as it lowers your immune system and causes a whole strain of phobias that may lead to anxiety attacks, depression, etc.

There are many ways to deal with stress which makes it even stranger that people don't go out to get support. The first step with stress is to realise that everyone has it: You have it even if you don't feel like you do; The guy screaming at you because his soup went cold or the battery of his phone died, has it and is now finding an outlet for it by screaming at you; The homeless guy has it; The super rich guy has it. Understand this: VERY very few people don't have stress.

So admit it. And admit that it gets to you. Then find ways to deal with it. And remember: Different folks - different strokes. Of course you don't have to see a professional. You can simply Google 'stress relieve' or something to that effect. Some people go for massages, some people go for hikes. One thing won't work for everyone, but everyone needs an outlet of some kind.

Which brings us on to the subject of R&R.

Everyone needs a little time to rest and recuperate, to get away from our daily lives. Even if the job that you are doing is something that you absolutely love, sooner or later you have to take a holiday because you deal with people, their moods, your moods and everything that goes along with that. In our modern lives most employers struggle to take leave because they believe that the company will fall apart without them. Most employees don't take leave simply because they take a bit here and a bit there and by the time they want to go on holiday, it's all gone. The truth is you need to take your leave consecutively and once a year if you want it to make the impact it is suppose to. Which is also rather difficult because we all use some of our leave to go pay the bills, go to the doctor and the like. There is no easy answer to this and I won't go delving into shoulds and should nots that are not. Suffice it to say that I suggest you try your best to get away for most of your days. Added to that, you should also try and GET AWAY. Really. This means no job. It means that you relax and don't focus on anything, you unplug the phone, read as many books as you can, stay in bed for as long as you want and eat whenever you want.

Not always easy, but always very necessary.

Other ways to relax without taking days off is to start meditating, breathing techniques, go for a massage or ask a partner to give you one, foot massages are great, walking, dancing (free style, the kind you do when no one is watching) and even a cup tea enjoyed while watching the sunset, can take loads off.

Ways not to truly relax is through pills, alcohol, cigarettes and other stimulants - and before you lynch me, this is why: When you use these in order to relax you are using an artificial method to unwind, which means it won't last and it is not real. it also creates a habit of having this stimulant every time you have to deal with stress. When you use these, you will have to use them every time you are stressed and your stress will never really be dealt with, only slightly placed on hold.

Unfortunately Television and playing computer games are also not great methods, even though it feels like you are doing nothing. Truth is, you aren't doing anything, not even getting rid of your stress because your brain goes into limbo. When you sit in front of the television or computer screen, all other functions are put on the sideline and this includes letting go. Once again, before you lynch me, do the research. Brain scans have shown that even though you think you are relaxing when sitting in front of the television or computer, you are in fact not and often these items even build onto the stress you already have.

Trust me though, there is an effective method to relax for every person out there. You just have to search for it, but when you find yourself constantly in stress, losing sleep, becoming depressed and the situation never seems to lift, you might need to re-asses your work situation because a situation like this is life threatening. Literally. And life is about joy and happiness, it does not help you spend most of your day being unhappy and just wishing 5 o'clock would come.

So find your method, find your happy place and take the time to unwind, to be the best you that you can be.

the final leg

2011-05-09T20:09:00.000+02:00

To all my avid fans:

At the moment I am just busy with my portfolio, due on Friday. I was suppose to be a lot further than I am, but due to life in general, things just did not work out that way. One day soon I promise to sit down and finalise the work on my 'time controller' invention with which i shall be able to let time stand still until such time as I have completed what I need to complete. Until then, unfortunately, I have to deal with mini-breakdowns, the desire to just leave everything, lack of sleep, a run down system and a lack of motivation. I suppose that's all just part of the package when one decides to go after one's dream with a baby and a job in tow.

I will be back in the full swing of things next week, my bright and perky self!

Much love,
N

effective solutions

2011-05-06T13:15:00.022+02:00

I will never boast that I am the calmest person in the world, or that I am mostly in charge of my emotions, but in my very short time on this lovely blue planet of ours, I have learned that anger is not the answer. Not in business, not in your personal life. Whenever we get angry, we shut out all means of finding a solution to the trigger of our unhappiness.

I have noticed two kinds of people when it comes to anger:

The first will fly of the handle, screaming, shouting, threatening. These are usually verbal abusers as well and they will let you know exactly how worthless you are for making a mistake, because God forbid, we realise that everyone is human.

The second will keep it all bottled up. When you ask them what's wrong, they will say nothing. Then, either in the manner of a victim, or in the manner of small and random hissyfits, they will drop hints that they are unhappy. When finally pushed to reveal, you will be all flabbergasted by the size of the problem, because you weren't informed when the very small problem first arose.

Losing your temper is never the way to go, but when you do lose your temper, steer away from name calling. Name calling burns bridges and hurts people. You may hide behind excuses like 'people should not be so sensitive', 'people shouldn't take things so literal' or 'people shouldn't overreact', but the fact is that it is never a pleasure for any person to hear they are incompetent, worthless or stupid. A lot of the time you may also need to bear in mind that the person you are dealing with (unless it is your employee who made a mistake or did not do something) is probably not directly responsible for the problem that you are having.

As I said before, losing your temper also shuts of all means of communication and any probability of allowing a person to fix something effectively, is lost. And people will make mistakes. There is nothing in this world that will ever stop this from happening. I will tell you this though, shouting at people increases their rates of error, whereas showing an understanding, voicing your unhappiness in a mature way (no one said you are not allowed to be unhappy or angry about it) will keep the doors of communication open, and the means to an amicable solution for all, will increase.

It also helps a lot if perspective is kept about how big a problem really is. If you tend to fly of your handle at any little thing, people never really understand when a situation is dire. Oh, they will cringe when the shouting / name calling starts, but to them that will be the problem instead of the mistake they made.

In the end it boils down to being emotionally aware, and handling yourself and the situations in your life in a mature and efficient manner that will allow everyone to retain their dignity and respect all round. Losing your temper or keeping things bottled up and then exploding, are both ways which will burn bridges with either business relations, or your loved ones. It creates fear, disrespect and ignorance that will remain forever. If you need help in doing so, then do so. Some of us are born calm, others have parents to teach them the skills and still more have to learn when they are already set in their ways. There are 7.5 billion people in this world so I am pretty sure the idea has never been that we need to face any battle, whether internal or external, on our own. Find someone to help; google it; see a therapist; whatever it takes to keep your loved ones loved and your business professional.

How would one handle such a person? One answer will never work for everyone. If it is family I suggest intervention or one of several coping mechanisms, one of which is simply to walk away and say that you will come back when the person has calmed down. If it is a work situation you might try various methods of calming the person down, apologising profusely at first until the person reached a point where they get that you are there to help or simply taking a message saying that someone who can help them will be in contact at which point the person will, hopefully, have calmed down a bit. If it is colleague or higher management, talking to HR might help, especially if it is an all round problem, jotting down each event and the circumstances, words used, etc. will help you keep perspective and record of frequency, etc.

There is no one answer. People are all different and their layers and triggers are all different. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you can't cope, I suggest seeing someone who can help you.

Anger is an emotion that needs validation and acceptance much like any other emotion, otherwise it will end up driving you insane. It is not something that should allow you to destroy others in any way. People are simply human, they will make mistakes or do things that you don't like. The answer to problems in these areas is to remain calm, state your feelings and resolve to find a solution that fits.

May your days be happy, even when things don't go right.

being human

2011-05-05T15:28:00.001+02:00

Nope not the series.

This is about the things that make us human. Ok, maybe it is kinda linked to the series. We are fast to lable people, put them in a box and then criticise and judge whenever they step out of it.

Take me for example. I am a vegetarian hippy, wanna-be vegan, half healthy, peace-lover and advocator who loves yoga, meditation and the earth. I am strong, happy and driven (which is not the same as ambitious.

Except when I am not or I don't.

I don't cook so sometimes (mostly weekends) I don't do healthy so much.
I did not grow up with the skill to reign my temper and sometimes I still revert to old patterns, but I know words hurt and screaming creates fear (or laughter) so I do my best to avoid them. I also KNOW there is always a way to fix things and that temper tantrums never serve me. NEVER. But I still lose it sometimes.
I never eat meat (no food with a face, this includes fish), but going vegan is really hard for me.
Sometimes I fail to recycle things because I feel tired of trying.
I should be doing yoga every day, but life often intercedes and I have no self-discipline. None whatsoever.
I love trees, but I can't resist a good book even when I know it hasn't been printed on tree-friendly paper.
I get emotionally drained from time to time and when I feel hurt and angry, I cry and this I can't control.

But what I claim to be me, is the expression of me that I hold most true, most of the time. I know when I step out of my box, or my lable, self-assigned or not. I allow myself that without judgement. We are all just people. What counts is the willingness to do better and more and decide actively who you really want to be, for yourself and your loved ones. Then to go out and do what is needed to be that person. Most of the time. When you can. It gets easier, but I don't know if old patterns can ever be completely erased.

There is not need to beat yourself up about anything, ever. We come into this life needing to do things, to learn things and to remember others. If you notice that you have fallen of your chosen way into your old way, it's great because you have noticed it. Next time you might be able to stop it in time. Or maybe not. It's a part of you. Maybe not a part of you that you like, but embrace it as a means to remain vigilant of NOW, of every moment that is your life, a means of keeping you a part of life and having new things to learn all the time. It's much like the professor who always has to keep up with studies in his field.

It never ends.

Excepts when it does. ;)

phase 2

2011-05-04T20:52:00.000+02:00

Jip, we are in full swing of creating our 2nd Entrepreneurial Showcase (see the first one), and it is my turn to host, so just imagine for a moment the chaos that I fail to recognise as my life anymore. Well, at the moment I fail to recognise it as anyone's life in any way, let alone mine. Let me just give you a quick squizz of the items on my fork:

1. 8 to 5-er
2. BA Creative Writing Portfolio due on the 13th of May
3. BA exam on the 2nd of June
4. Yoga Teacher Training entails 1 hour's practice per day, 2 classes per week and the TT class on Thursdays
5. 2 year old
6. Husband, a darling, but in need of attention, you know, 'cause he's so supportive
7. Arranging of the market, both the whole exhibit and my personal space as well

But hey, chin up and whatnot! ;)

I know where I am headed and what needs to be done to get there. For once in my life, I actually know and I have plans. The only reason things are so chaotic is that I am no longer a 20 year old who can stay awake for 3 consecutive days (I can't even stay awake past 9), and I have picked up a little baggage and a 2 year old along the way as well.

Truth is, most people's lives are not tied up in a neat little bundle by the time they finally graduate, be it from High School or Varsity or Tech. Most people don't have a clue what they want to do at this stage in their lives and are all the more daunted by the fact that this is FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE (ta-ta-ta-dum). I would have been the happiest person in the world if I were allowed to pick a new job every year, so scattered were my interests at 18, but our systems do not support this kind of living. Unless you are a student, of course.

It took me 33 years to get into place and to find what I love. Awesome. And also... Not so much. Now I am in a space where I have to balance a million and 1 things, simply because I failed to come to this realisation 10 years ago and subsequently, was led to believe that I never would; That I would be destined to live my life for others. Added to this idea of failure, I did not prepare for the fact that I would one day find my calling and this is where things like finances, responsibilities and savings come into play.

(From all of this I have learned that I will do what I can to create a space for my daughter where there will be time enough and no pressure to find out what she loves, what she adores and wants to be with her whole heart and soul.)

It seems that when our life expectancy moved up, our minds did not follow. We are now able to live until 80, 100 and the current generation will reach a possible 120, yet we are still expected to achieve everything by 20 or 30. From a logical point of view, how much sense does it make to determine from all the vastness that is the workforce out there, the one thing that you would like to do, by the age of 20 and achieve all that you need to become the best in your field by the age of 30? The ratio that use to be 'decide by 18, life ends at 50', has become 'decide by 18 life ends at 120'... Anyone else seeing the problem here? For me it makes no sense, but that is just my logic. It might be fallible.

What I really want to say here is that if you are uncertain of what you would like to do with your life, don't settle for anything less than what is important and what lies in your heart. If you can find that, then the means to support that will come with it. It always does. It always will. Just don't rush things, don't pressure the Universe into answers and don't settle for anything less. Life is a gentle flow, not a torrent rushing off somewhere. Things happen when they (you) are perfect for them. There are so many things that you could do, finding the 1 thing that will become your life, that you will master, is really a job all on its own and it requires patience, diligence and an openness for all things that could be possible in your life.

Of course, if you know exactly what you want to do before you have even left high school, then I take my hat off for you.

The thing to remember here is that life is not short at all. It is precious and it is meant to be lived in joy for all its duration. Make sure that you end up spending most of your days in joy and happiness, because that is what really counts. Don't settle and most possibly end up living in a constant state of 'one day when I retire', don't live only the last 20 years of your life when you were given a hundred. And if you are unhappy in any way, have a look at the pros of your situation and make the decision to either settle or, if the pros are not enough, to move. Then make your plans and do what needs to be done. Once the chaos has dispersed, you will find yourself in the wonderful world that you envisioned, doing what you love and just because of that, you will be the best for doing that. Even while the chaos reigns, it still remains perfect when you know you are following your bliss.

better?

2011-04-28T16:53:00.018+02:00

Of late, Guppy has picked up the habit of kissing things better. Anything that to her 2 year old mind seems either broken or hurt gets a kiss, which results in hairballs, catfights and several near death experiences. But it is rather cute. The only glitch lately is that she will not say sorry if she hurt you or did something that she was not suppose. She blatantly refuses. She will kiss it better and ask if you are ok and then give you hugs until you feel sorry for being hurt, but if she hurt you she will not say she is sorry. I don't know if this is a problem, but for now we are letting it go. Honestly, how do you make a 2 year old do anything that she does not want to?

That's just a bit of topic and just a snippet from my life as it runs now.

What I was actually pondering was:

* How do we repair the damage that we inherit?
* I am under no obligation to make the world a better place, so why do I do it?

I don't have an answer to either, but because I like to talk a lot, here is the discussion (logically edited, of course) from my head:

Question 1 stems from that vicious circle that we call parenting. Our parents pick up certain dysfunctions via the way they were raised and the largest percentage of these issues are passed on to their kids, conscious or unconsciously. We very rarely parent children according to their needs, mostly we either enforce what we were taught or do our best to make sure things go the opposite way. Neither of these methods are based on what our kid wants or needs but what we fear or leave or allow. So how would you go about healing the issues and troubles that are passed on to you, because honestly, you don't even know half of the stuff you carry around for your parents?

Question 2 is a hurdle in my life. I am so intensely linked to this wonderful earth of ours and all the wonderful beings that leave their various marks. From my blog you should be able to gather that I am an ecological activist, an enabler of world peace and a personal growth seeker (does that sound right?). The catch is that in my personal life, this 'me' is unacceptable. My family is always questioning me, trying to show me how 'wrong' I am, bullying me (of course it is a joke!) or just baiting me. Standing strong is not a problem, most of the time, but it gets so tiresome to have to be on your guard all the time in their presence, to have to always go around justifying yourself. The other option which works great, is ignoring them, it simply takes away the power that both of us thought they had over me. All of this is, of course, beside the point as I have my methods of dealing with it all, except that I don't feel that I should be dealing with this. Family is supposed to love and accept one another. There should always be room for discussion, but there should never be attacks. I love talking to people about the things that I do and why, but I won't talk to anyone who says I am 'wrong' without being willing to hear, or those who fight instead of discussing. Family is supposed to be a safe zone and mine has not been one for me.

Getting back to question 2 though, why do I do what I do when it causes such a rift in my personal life? It would make my life measurably better if I just started smoking (again) and drinking (again) and taking whatever I can find to make me happy (again) and eating meat (again) and stop recycling and... other stuff. None of this is wrong to me, it is just not my choice of lifestyle. I use to do. I no longer choose to. Everyone walks their own path, and as long as it harms no one, why should it create such a battlefield for some? Changing would go against my very grain and being, but all the thorns would be removed from my path. Of course there would be no roses either...

So this is my mind, picked for today. I have no answers (except that I kinda sorta touched on a reason for Q2, it just still hard to accept, I guess), but I would love to hear your thoughts.

getting lost

2011-04-27T08:14:00.015+02:00

This post is inspired by this comment:

Getting Lost Will Help You find Yourself. I just wish people had more humility to admit being lost so they can be found. I get lost often and it is lovely when you have found your way back to home.

By Psycho Babbling Basher on staying positive

When I wrote the piece on staying positive, I have to admit, I was in a real slump, but it was a piece written for Inspiring Woman, and they really need upbeat and positive writing for their blog features. So I did not write it all, only the steps needed to stay positive as opposed to being and getting out of a slump, until I saw Psycho's comment.

Let me just say that everybody hits a slump sooner or later. We can't help it. For me it was just one vicious spiral of not enough sleep, binging on chocolate and coffee because of that and falling deeper and deeper into the pit of sugar-and-other-bad-stuff blues. Before you know it you are stuck in a little melancholy comfort zone from which you cannot escape. You wrap it around yourself and it is oh-so seducing. You don't even care that your thoughts are turning more and more negative day by day and you are enjoying your own cynicism.

It is SO hard to get out of this space simply because it is so very easy and laid back. You don't have to do anything because being lethargic is part of the game. You don't have to try harder (or at all) because 'whatever' is the answer for everything. No decisions need to be made, no time needs to be balanced, nothing extra needs to be done.

Very nearly, I almost found myself giving up on everything that I had set out to do, convincing myself that I did not have the support I needed, I was too tired and no longer had the time.

The trick here? Have someone that supports you enough to let you lose yourself a little, but also knows when it is time to slap you out of the sadness that you have wrapped around you. No one, except this person, will probably even be aware that you are actually depressed and not just having a bad day. This person will also be the one who watches closely, asks how you are without pushing past 'fine'. He/she will get you coffee, tea and tell you it is ok not to study tonight or tomorrow or for a whole week because they know that sometimes you need to fizzle a little in order to re-stoke the fire and avoid burn-out.

This person will know how to get you out of your slump without shocking your system into complete shutdown.

For me, this is my husband. He knows and listens when I tell him that I just need to get through this and he notices when I start looking for hands to grab hold off to get out of the murk. He is always there to offer his. And then he helps me get back on the happy bandwagon and we are off to Being Positive again.

The truth is that life is an absolute balance, but in our modern society we often tend to spend too much time on the things that we tell ourselves we need to do. We fall into a routine of constantly doing things and our bodies, minds and spirits are not geared for this. We need time to relax, meditate and recuperate. For some reason though, we always want to do it all. And from doing it all, comes doing nothing. However it happens to you, your body will make you rest.

There is a need for this slump where things are more laid back and unrequired. In our modern lives we don't have the means to avoid this. It requires perfect balance of exercise, meditation, healthy eating habits and sleep. All of these in whatever quantities work for you and gives you optimal energy, will prohibit the slump from taking hold of your life. And who has this perfection?

No takers? Well then, my advice is to give in to these slumps and their purpose in your life, but make sure you have someone there to watch you and be there for you when you are over-slumped and need to break out. And never, NEVER be afraid to admit to anyone that you are in a slump. Not talking about things is mostly what breaks them.

choose your change

2011-04-26T00:58:00.031+02:00

My personal believe is that the world, the universe, is in a state of constant change. It is the natural order of things. And then, it is also the things that we resist with the most effort. We are against this possibility that we have caged nature (the most obvious item of change in our world). Or at least we try to. We claim it, we buy it, we own it, we come up with various methods to predict it and then fence it in. Of course when Nature herself, fails to recognise these fences, we become scared and panic-stricken, instead of being glad that the universe is, in fact, still working correctly.

Without getting too much into the environmental aspects of this, let me move on to my actual post:

When I was young, I use to have this intense believe that I could, or should, save the world. More specifically, bring peace to the world. I am still firm footed in this believe (as is evident from my manifesto), but my method has transcended. My dreams on the other hand, are still filled with magnificent means of bringing this to the world, even though I now know that my life is not a movie, and things are much simpler.

As I said, my method has transcended. What I have come to realise in my short, but very interesting journey on earth so far, is that changing the world can only come from changing yourself. One more thing that we tend to resist to such an intensity that our bodies become rigid with age. We are so scared that changing ourselves will result in us losing ourselves. We hang on to terms like 'I am what I am' and ' That is just who I am' and 'Take it or leave it'.

The result is that is a world that is plagued with self-interest, an unwillingness to budge or compromise and a demand to be right. The other side of the spectrum is true as well because this kind of behaviour always has victims. They are the ones who submit without question, the ones who don't fight for who they are because who they are has long since been broken, those who bend and crawl because they don't have the strength to stand up.

We are blinded by this because we are either too close or too far away to see it for what it is. Also, because we choose not to, because if we did we would have to take responsibility for the more dramatic evidential events in the world, the ones like murder, war and oppression. Yes, these are the same as school bullying, stubbornness and any kind of abuse. It is just the scale that matters. The bully on the playground becomes the tyrant. Or maybe the victim does in an effort to stand up for himself against everyone.

I invite you... no... I dare you, to look at the events in your life next time and see some of the things that are on the news as well.

So how do you change the world again? By changing yourself. By being an example to your children and loved ones for the kind of people you would not only like them to be, but the kind of people you would like to see as a part of their lives. By realising that who you are is not hinged on how right you can be, how much power you can have over someone else or how angry you allow yourself to get.

Who you are is something much more than what you show the world everyday.

Who you are is the easiest to see when you are happy. Happiness can only show up in moments that are filled with love, peace and gratefulness. Nothing more, nothing less.

How do you become more of who you are? No need to go all Ghandi like. In fact, there was only one Ghandi and no one else ever be him. We are meant to change, we are meant to become better results of ourselves, not someone else. You need to be you, but the you that is willing to grow and be more than the you that you currently are.

Have a look at your life and decide what in your life is not serving you, not making you happy. Those are the things you need to change. And you do this in increments, instead of one almighty miracle that will leave you breathless. Literally. You might decide to work on your anger for a start and as an example, so you see a therapist, or you learn to meditate. Pick a method, any one will do as long as it works for you. Some changes will take years, some will take moments, but if the willingness is there, the rest will follow. It just needs a door.

And that people, is how you change the world.

Of course, you might say that you don't want to change the world, but I think you do. Everyone does, no matter how they voice it. Some do so by complaining, some by criticising, some by wishing for something different, or different times. We are all bound by our desire to make this world a better place for ourselves and also for our loved ones. We just forget sometimes and end up swallowed in the murk of hopelessness, instead of taking steps towards happiness.

Next time you find yourself wishing for something more, or berating those on the news, remember to reflect, see it in your own life (without judging it - we are all a product of so many things that teach us daily) and then to decide to do something about that one thing that you don't like.

Change yourself and you could change the world.

things i want

2011-04-25T20:13:00.000+02:00

I was just doing something that did not require my mind to work, and in that space where your mind is just allowed to be and do whatever it wants to, it stopped at 'I really should have gotten that fridge poetry'.

From that space and place where I ended up, comes this list of things that I would really love to have but never buy myself:

1. Magnetic fridge poetry: Seriously, this would have been a perfect way to work on my poetry assignment (I am studying BA literature and creative writing for anyone new to my blog).

2. Matching underwear: I never buy this because underwear does not entice my husband at all (he's more interested what is underneath) and also because all matching underwear always seems to come with padded bras. I really don't like NOT being able to see my feet. If anyone would like to send me underwear though, I am a 32C (trying finding that) and I am really into turquoise lately. No pink though.

3. A nightgown: One that comes down to my ankles and is not made of that material that towels are made of. I have one. It's perfect: black velvet, wide arms, comes all the way down and keeps me warm without making me look all puffy. It is also a decade old and looks the part. Silk would be nice for a change. I would like a kimono type...

4. Toe socks: I never get tired of these, but I bought one pair and after they went I just never got more. Once more, something that just seems like an excess, and for some reason I avoid excessiveness.

5. A bath pillow: For a book lover, this would be absolutely perfect. No place more perfect than reading in the bath.

6. A new bamboo towel: These towels are so divine you will never use another once you start using these. Of course mine is old and frayed and I need to replace it.

7. A lighbulb changer: Our little downlights keep on going out, but we have extra high ceilings which is not very practical in a house where both grownups suffer from vertigo. The gift of changing our lightbulbs once a year would be very appreciated.

8. Since we've come to the DIY, I just have to add: Someone to hang our portraits as well. Just not getting there. it's been 3 years now, 4 in October.

9. Hats: I like hats. Don't wear them much, which is why I would not buy them, but I would like to receive them as a gift. A pair of matching gloves and a scarf will also not be smirked at.

10. Last item on my list is, of course, world peace. Although to be honest, there is none of that in stores. Vouchers for a day of peace in the family would do nicely though.

And that's the list.

Most things are easy to get and not to expensive (except for the nightgown and matching underwear, everything is under R100, which is like under $20). I just don't ever get to buy these things because from an ecological point of view, 'the most eco friendly product is the one you don't buy'. Oh, and don't forget the running-of-own-business-on-the-side, the studies and the yoga teacher's training. Throw in a kid and you have one heck of a frugal situation.

By no means am I a penny-pincher, but I am fairly broke about 3 days after pay day. Thankfully, I get to pay all of my accounts and live a fairly middle class life without straining.

Sometimes I am just left wondering what it is like to be so rich and/or ignorant that you can simply walk into a store and buy whatever your heart desires.

easter-ised!

2011-04-21T23:30:00.001+02:00

Our house is now (finally) Easter-ised! Whatever made me think that I should make all decor myself... well, it was mainly because I wanted to make some memories for her and we are currently running low on finances, so hand-made it ended being.

And I am most definitely not sorry. Tired, but happy with how things turned out.

Our house has come up bunnies, chicks and plastic eggs with healthy treats inside. Yeah, I could not let the Eco-thing go so everything is handmade and/or re-usable.

I hope she looks back on this fondly. If not, I may not have birth stories that tell of hours and hours of pain, but I can always remind her how her father's hand started twitching from all he scissor-handling.

Ps- Sparky is the worst cutter outer in the world, but he is one the best father for what he is willing to do.

With love,

colour of passion

2011-04-20T16:44:00.003+02:00

As previously stated, I would let you know when I wrote a un planned piece on Talking to Trees. Well, I did. It is called colour of passion. Go along now, go read it.

I just have to mention that I am very bad with slogans, headings and naming of things. 'Entitling' presents a conundrum to my life. I think it has to do with the fact that you have to say something very effective in a few words. I can’t do that. If I can’t say it in a paragraph, I won’t say it. Fact is, there are way too many cool and wondrous words out there and for me, nothing is ever as simple as just one or two words. Nothing. We are a complex world. Whatever makes us think that after creating the dictionary with its millions of words, then going on to create different types of dictionaries, we can just suddenly say word economy?!

Yes, I blab, and yes I know I am long winded. Being interrupted in the middle of a though is the story of my life. But that’s just me and it won’t be changing soon.

What? You’re still here! Please go now, go read my story.

Tsk. Tsk.

another award

2011-04-19T13:10:00.003+02:00

Last week I got nominated for another award, one that calls me an inspiration. I'm blushing...

I was nominate for this accolade by Marie, who writes at The Colour of Our Skin, and I am hugely honoured that anyone would think so highly of me. Have a look at her blog and find some of the other wonderful beings she nominated for this award.

A while back though, I was nominated for more or less the same award and in thanks to my fans, I nominated blogs that I thought would be well appreciated by those that appreciated mine as 'inspirational'.

Without further ado, here are my nominations for this round, in no particular order:

may she dream

the green family

hiccups in time

That's it. This time round anyway. There are more nominations at thanks to my fans as well as my first award, so please mozy on over.

That is, after all, what these awards are all about.

staying positive

2011-04-18T20:03:00.000+02:00

If you asked me, I would not necessarily classify myself as an always happy person. Always positive, yes... uhm... that is... mostly positive anyway. The difference is simply that I don't run around with a grin on my face all the time, mostly for fear of being locked up. However, I am always able to see the positive in any situation, much to the chagrin of anyone wanting only a shoulder to cry on.

For people who live in such a positive way, it has become a natural state, but in today's society and the bombardment of bad news, it is not usually the one we start out with. In the current world state it is a very useful, nay, a required one for any person dealing with other people to have. And also one that attracts people, therefore consider this carefully if you have your own business and also when you are employing people to work for you. Although some people might need to change their method of thought at first, it is useful to remind yourself that the mind is only a tool and once it becomes a habit, you won't even realise the process that makes you see the reason in every (and I do mean every) situation that you or somebody else has to face.

Not a lot of people are aware of this, but being positive, or being happy and spreading joy, is a choice. You may ask what you have to be happy about, which only means that you have not yet opened your eyes to the absolute wonder of this world and the splendour that is humanity. Yes, there are the sad things and the bad things, but once you start taking note of the amazing ones, you will find that they far outweigh the sad and the bad in quantity, attractiveness and effect.

The way to change your mind, so to speak, is firstly to become aware of what you are thinking. Believe it or not, some people can actually complain or be negative without at first sounding like it. Others will complain or be negative and make you believe that they are simply 'being realistic'. The truth is that there are always two sides to every story, but it is your right to choose which one you focus on. This does not make you naive or unrealistic, it is simply a matter of seeing both sides and choosing the one that provides hope and joy, instead of the one that drags your heart to the ground.

So the first step is to be aware of your thinking, even the very subtle negative thinking that stops you from doing things, taking risks, giving love, or even smiling.

After you have done this for a while, you may become slightly tired of your own thoughts, much like you would of a person in your space that did the same thing. This is the time to intercede with an affirmation, a random thought or a themesong. You can choose one option or all, but whichever you choose, they need to be positive. An affirmation could be something to the lines of 'I am filled with happiness and I spread joy wherever I go'. If you go with the random thoughts, try and keep it to the theme i.e. if you find yourself criticizing another rainy day, find the positive thought that links to that, for instance how happy the trees and flowers are for the water from the sky, or how it saves you some money and effort to not water your garden. For the themesong method all you have to do is have a themesong, one that is happy and makes you want to wiggle your posterior and every time you find yourself focusing on the negative aspects of anything, sing your themesong.

The third step will be to pay attention to what you allow into your life. Remember GIGO (Garbage In Garbage Out) and turn off the news a few times in the week, read the humanitarian pages of the newspaper first and be aware of how many soaps you watch as these are always filled with human drama, rather than contentment. This is not to say that you should not be aware of the news or watch your favourite stories, just simply that news and television works on sensationalism, which places a lot of emphasis on the bad things that happen even though there are even more positive and inspiring stories out there.

Lastly, some practical advice: Lessen your intake of sugar (and remember sugar comes in things like processed and junk food, milks, juices, soft drinks, serials and the like, not just sweets and chocolates) and caffeine, get some fresh air every day and spend time with your loved ones. They are after all the people you are doing whatever you are doing, for. The rest of the practices will just provide your body with optimal functioning, allowing for the 'happy-hormones' to flow.

There are of course many other methods and you could use any. Or all. They would all help you to change the way you think, help you to be positive and create joy in your life. Not only will you be happier, look younger and feel healthier, but positive attitude will also draw people to you as stated above, and what is business if not about people.

Of course, you if you are a hermit, then you may be remain grumpy as you please.

i think an update is in order...

2011-04-15T13:00:00.001+02:00

Over the past few weeks, my life and my blogs have taken a few turns, all of which I am very proud of. Right now I need to update my very loyal followers on these changes. These changes help me organize my excessively busy life a little better, and hopefully by sharing them, you will be able to organize a little better as well.

1. First off, I would like to give a shout out to all my followers. It took almost 2 years for my blog to reach 14 followers. It took only 2 months for my blog to reach 39 followers. YAY! I would like to mention the following blogs and forums as aiding me in reaching so many people:

Blog Frog

BloggyMoms

Coffee and Smokes Chat

Kirsty Girl

The Red Dress Club

The 2 forum sites really helped and I regret that I can't spend more time on them, but for the little I have attended to it, it has helped me that much and I can really recommend them as a means to attain followers and to get your blog some exposure.

2. I have started posting on Talking to Trees again. This is my poetry and creative writing blog and here you will find my posts from prompts (from sites like The Red Dress club), my creative writing assignments and my personal writing as well.
I will be blogging here at least once a week. The prompts are usually due for link up on either Fridays or Tuesdays, therefore I will post on Fridays. If I do an additional post, it will appear on any given day and I will be linking to it in Journey Keeper.

3. I have been asked to blog for Inspiring Women, see their logo and link on the right. My Monday posts will therefore be an inspiration for women in the future. It was a great honour to be asked to do this and I really hope my input will, in fact, inspire women everywhere.

4. With my life taking a huge turn towards being even more busy of late, I will only be posting on Journey Keeper from Mondays through until Thursday (4 posts a week, one of which will be for Inspiring Women). If I do an extra post on Talking to Trees, however, I will link a post on Journey Keeper to TTT.
Fridays, as stated above, will be designated to my creative writing on TTT, and over the weekends I will be keeping up with my loyal followers.

5. During the Easter Holidays, which in South Africa runs more or less from the 22nd of April through till the 2nd of May, I will be taking a little break from blogging on either blog. I am planning on getting my studies up to date, as well as the pages of my blogs finished.

That takes care of the logistical future of my blog. Please let me know if you have any contributing ideas to my blog in general. You may also contact me just to say hallo (see this is me).

sisters doing it for themselves....

2011-04-13T00:45:00.000+02:00

From my previous post, community and a marvelous market day, I trust you have all gathered what our little market day / entrepreneurial showcase was all about. But just for in case, let's recap:

In an effort to help people that we know who are trying to establish their own businesses, my sister-in-law and I held a market day for woman entrepreneurs. Once we set the ball going, it spiraled and we ended up with a lovely 3 hour event, which we plan to repeat as often as possible.

From this event I learned one, maybe not so astonishing, fact and that is that more and more woman are finding within themselves the need to find bosses and businesses to work for who understand that their family is their first priority (or whatever else is important to them) and who are willing to give them the flexibility around their priority. Mostly, these bosses end up being themselves.

As a general truth, employees are only employed in so far as they provide a service to the company. Another general truth is that employees only look for work in so far as it will provide them with a salary. When you take look at the very large labour force out there, and at studies and statistics provided, the largest number of people will tell you that they only work because they have to. You will also find that enormous percentages of the workforce are highly unhappy in the work that they do simply because very few people end up doing what they would love to do, but rather what they have to do.

So how does this tie in to people working for themselves?

Very simply: People who are in a position or a job that is not necessarily their calling or life's purpose, will look for another reason to stay put. This reason could be anything that makes it worthwhile (and strangely enough, money is only ever the reason for so long), but for woman specifically, they look for a margin of flexibility and for a company to realise that their kids and family are important to them, indeed, the most important to them.

NOTE: I am leaving from this discussion those individuals who take advantage of any system, as I feel that these individuals should be dealt with individually within each company and also, that in truth, people who know the system works for them, will not take advantage of it.

So, with a largely unhappy workforce all around the world, more and more woman are finding that companies do not provide what they need, and therefore are trying to establish businesses to run from home.

Of course, it needs to be pointed out that the current movement for large corporations is one that is incorporating more work-from-home-time and other means to keep their employees. More and more companies are realising the health and happiness of their employees are directly linked to their own success. So there is an effort to change the situation, although in South Africa the only companies who are currently doing this are those who have international branches or head offices.

Getting back to woman and their home run businesses: The fact is that it is hard to get a business of the ground. With very little money for advertising and time being split between either your normal job and the new business, or your children and the new business, things will be stretched to the max.

This is where events like this past little showcase comes in very handy, because you need to face the fact that you will never make it without exposure. You will also never make it, without the support of others who are in the same situation as you because these people understand what you are going through, have the same needs and by putting your heads together you can come up with ideas that one head alone would not have come up with.

Point in case, the event showcase we held last weekend.

But other things can also be shared besides ideas, printing as an example, client bases are another.

So my advice: Get our there ladies! Make friends with those who are in the same boat. Share your clients, your ideas and any other skills that you might have. They are not your competition, they are indeed the only ones who can support you because they know what you are going through, thereby making them ideal to help you accomplish what your heart has set you out to.

Sisters can indeed only do it for themselves, when they stand together.

support, community and a marvelous market day

2011-04-12T14:05:00.021+02:00

This past weekend we had a small Entrepreneurial Showcase (which is why my posts have not been forthcoming for the past week, by the by).

It all happened like this:

For weeks now I have been saying that I wanted (nay, needed) to have a little market-style get together for all the people (myself included) that are trying to make it for themselves out there. My idea, though, was to do it after all my BA assignments were handed in and finished, which would have placed us around middle May.

Then towards the end of March, my sister-in-law came to me and asked me whether I would be interested in a type of showcase. Serendipitous multiplied! So of course I said yes. Or rather: YES! It would be held at her house the first time round, and this took the heavy duty of making arrangements of my hands. At least this time round.

So we sent out mails and invited people to the showcase.

We planned for it to be rather small, hoping to attract at least a few people. What started as an invite to attend the showcase, quickly spiraled into people asking us what they had to do to exhibit, and before we knew it, we had about 11 exhibitors (of which 2 did not show) and 50 people booking to attend the event (one of the attractions was a free hand/foot treatment and we needed people to book for that).

The event itself took place this past Saturday, the 9th of April. We did great and had a lot of interest, and of course, we also learned a lot.

We are already in the full swing of planning the next one, which will take place on the 7th of May, 2011. Not only are we having fun, we are also experiencing the joy of helping those around us. This is a win-win situation and everyone is experiencing their connection to those around them.

It is a truly wondrous thing to see how willing people are to attend in order to help themselves and others.

It is a marvelous thing, to see how people can work together in harmony.

There was no animosity, no competition. Everyone who was there, and who will be there, knew and realised fully that their own personal success depends(ed) upon the success of others and the success of others depends(ed) on everyone working together.

Having said all this, I have created a page on FB for this event, this community inspired showcase. If you feel so inclined, and would like to keep up to date with our progress, you may like the page. It is called Entrepreneurial Showcase Event (yes, yes - I am in the process of working on a better name, if you have any ideas at all, please feel free to comment).

In addition, I also have a FB page for my own personal business, called Gentle Trader, of you feel inclined to know what my business is all about.

So this is where my time has gone to this past week. And now we are working on the next event. It is all so very exciting, but I have however wondered whether sleep is something that I will have to discard in the near future, what with keeping up the FB pages, marketing my own businesses, my studies, my teacher training... not to mention my 8 to 5-er. But it's all good. It's all so marvelously good and the goal is absolutely fabulous! So we do now what needs to be done for then.

** be blessed this week **

PS - view more pics on the FB page, Entrepreneurial Showcase Event

From Coffee and Smokes Chat: Being Human

2011-04-06T12:58:00.000+02:00

Coffee and Smokes Chat: Being Human: "Werewolf, Vampire, Ghost Some of you may inadvertently expect that this post has to do with the 'Being Human' BBC Series. Well..."

It seems I'm sharing a blog again, and since this seems to be the roll I am on, I wil continue this way for the rest of the week. It is not really a cop-out, but it gives some of the sites I follow great exposure. Ok, maybe not great, but no exposure is bad, right?

This post is NOT about the BBC series. It is about the 'rules' that make us human, aid us to play together and better, and all in all to get the best out of our existence on earth, here and now.

In this post, Psycho touches on some very important points:

What it entails to be human;

Not to lose faith in Humanity and

That we are all in this together

Personally I feel that we all take life way to seriously and could do with a bit of lighting up, especially when it comes to dealing with ourselves. We seem to be harsh with ourselves, as well as our loved ones and the level of expectancy is enormous.

One of the comments on this post was as follows:

better individual said...

When i had to close my first business i said to my dad "i failed, i disappointed everyone" and he replied "you didn't fail, you learnt a lesson and you never disappointed me or anyone." My Dad is a superstar.

Not many people are at this level where they realise that life is all about the experience, not so much about getting it all 100% correct every single time. Not many fathers would have this mindset, one that says 'I love you, your learning, well done for being a part of life'. Not many people have this mindset for that matter. We are all racked with guilt, obligation, misplaced sense of duty tied up into a nice little mess which we think of as love. Often these factors make us lose ourselves, miss our true purpose and we end becoming what we think others require us to be, instead of who we are.

And of course, when we try to be who others need us to be, or who we think others need us to be, we will always fall short and be a disappointment, to ourselves as well. On the other hand, when we do our best to live our own truth, to be the very best 'me' that you can be, there is no one to disappoint and those who loves you will be joyful for your fullness.

This is not a battle about who is 'right' and who is 'wrong'. This is a quest for remembering that love works for all of us, to walk the path that you are meant to and to allow those around you to walk theirs. In Peace.

'nough said on that now.

Another point that I would like to touch on is to never lose faith in who we are, although if you truly let go of your expectations of others, you will never be disappointed. Having said that, I would also just like to leave you with something that I always tell people around me (not that I am the Dailai Lama, simply that this is something I believe with my whole heart):

'Do what YOU need to do. Be who you need to be.

Don't let other people determine your actions.

They are doing what they do because of who they are, you need to do and make choices because of who you are because if you don't, you give away all your power.'

May you find peace in your heart and may everyone in your life be touched by that peace and guided to their own.

From The Color of Our Skin, a blog I follow....

2011-04-05T08:30:00.000+02:00

The Color of Our Skin: Monday Inspiration - Movies Quotes Part 1: "- 'What we do in life echoes in eternity.' Gladiator - 'And what is love? Love is the mornin' and the evenin' star.' Elmer Gantry -&nbsp..."

Please take the time to read some more. We often miss the messages from God that come to us through our movies, songs, radio, or other bloggers. And there are some great ones here.

Why?

Because we think God does not talk to us in that way.

Those who know me, or at least my blog, know that I believe that God sends us messages through everything in the Universe.

From Conversations with God, I quote the following:

Hear Me, everywhere. Whenever you have a question, simply know that I have answered it already. Then open your eyes to your world. My response could be in an article already published. In the sermon already written and about to be delivered. In the movie now being made. In the song just yesterday composed. In the words about to be said by a loved one. In the heart of a new friend about to be made.

My Truth is in the whisper of the wind, the babble of the brook, the crack of the thunder, the tap of the rain.

It is the feel of the earth, the fragrance of the lily, the warmth of the sun, the pull of the moon.

And of course CWG is not the be all and end all of it all, but this is, in mere words, how I feel and what I see in my life.

I think this is funny

2011-04-02T14:51:00.001+02:00

But I might have watched the Heffalump movie once too many times.

Roo: Let's go catch some Heffalumps!
Rabbit: Now hold on a minute Roo, a Heffalump Expedition will be fraught with danger.
Roo: But we need to catch some heffalumps...
Tigger: Oh, you know Roo, you just can't argue with a word like fraught.

Yes, you can't argue with a word like fraught.

He he....

how blessed am I?

2011-04-01T15:51:00.000+02:00

Last Saturday, Sparky treated me to a little spa treatment: A facial and a pedicure. I don't like doing or attending to my feet. It is too far away, I always caught in an awkward angle and my knees always end up trying to get into my eye. So this was godsend. The facial was just a little bit of heaven that I seldom get time for these days.

Sparky is not the type of man who would ever show up at the door with a string of diamonds, flowers (I don't like cut flowers anyway, I prefer things that don't die on me), etc. Sparky is the type of man who likes to do things for the ones he loves. He will drive to town 10 times in 1 day if it means he gets to do something for me. He will only buy me things (like chocolates) if he knows I am down. He takes Guppy to her grandfather's without complaint almost every weekend because he knows I need to study.

He does not give me money to go to the spa because he knows I will never get to it. He picks up the phone, makes an appointment and tells me to go while he watches Guppy. And then he does not even complain when I take much longer than I was suppose to because I met someone at the spa and got caught in deep conversation.

I have a wonderful husband.
I have no idea if he is handsome or not because to me he is perfect. Handsome is of no consequence.

He gives me so much more than money could ever buy. He supports me in every endeavor that I choose for myself, as myself. In the decade we have been together he has never berated my growth or complained that I have changed. In fact, he supports that too (as I of course support his).

We can talk.
We can argue.
We don't force ideas on one another.
There is complete acceptance of who the other is in this, our marriage.
There is complete security in each other.
We hide nothing from each other.

He is my best friend. Amongst other things.

You can throw up now, that's fine ;).

May everyone be as blessed as I am, although I know that a blessing like this does not always come in the same package, or even in one package, for everyone. Take the time to be aware and be grateful of your blessing(s), no matter how they appear in your life.

Oh, just a final note: If you ever see Sparky anywhere, please remember he is not allowed to handle power tools (especially nail guns), press any buttons, touch anything with which he could set a fire or handle fire arms. We really have no idea what he would do with fire arms, but we are just not willing to give it a go given what he can do with a nail gun. Oh, and if you have a cat, make sure to check the fridge when he's gone.

I am such a nerd

2011-03-31T15:15:00.000+02:00

Yes I know. I get told this often. I don't mind, but I just have to share these hilarities with you. If you don't find it funny, ask me I will explain. I promise. I am that kind of nerd.

These are all from my weekly newsletter from AWAD (a word a day wordsmith), just some of the reader's comments:

Q. What's a dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
A. Someone who lies awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.

I had to laugh at your comment about meeting people while walking your dog. Recently the theocratic government of Saudi Arabia passed a law making it illegal for men to walk their dogs in public. It seems it was contributing to the decline of morals because the men were using the dogs to meet women on the street. Can you say chick magnet in Arabic?

When my kids were young, we were discussing Christmas carols and I told them that my favorite was entitled "The Typesetter's Lament" (No L). Several years later, the pastor of our church asked my eldest daughter the name of her favorite carol and she readily gave it, to the shocked silence, then laughter of the congregation !

divagate - to wander or digress

to which the reader comments: and here I thought divagate referred to a scandal at the Metropolitan Opera!

This week the word was luddite, to which someone commented:

Some time ago, as a joke among friends, I created the Facebook Luddite Society. To join, send a SASE to:

Facebook Luddite Society
3625 N Cedar St
Scranton PA 32174

In two to six weeks you'll receive an application to be filled out in ink and returned. Once your application has been approved, expect to receive a blazer badge and complementary Facebook-by-mail packet within 90 days.

luddite - one who opposes or avoids the use of new technology

I just thought these were worth sharing, even though I know only a few people will get the jokes.

Oh! And, I would love to see this show, the newer version of the Christmas Carol, not because I speak the language or because I am an avant fan of the movies (although I am), but just because I think it would be very interesting to see what they did with it.

Lastly, on this nerdy run of mine, I would like to share something useful, that being something I think every blogger should know for when they are writing:

POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y., Dec. 16 (UPI) -- A New York pollster said its survey indicates "whatever" is considered the most annoying or phrase in the English language by 39 percent of U.S. adults.
The Marist Poll of 1,020 U.S. adults, conducted via telephone Nov. 15-18 by pollsters at Marist College in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., found 39 percent of respondents despise the word "whatever," while 29 percent cited "like" as the most annoying word or phrase in contemporary conversation and 15 percent said they were most incensed when people say, "you know what I mean."
The survey found "to tell you the truth" is the most irritating phrase to 10 percent of those polled while 5 percent said the word "actually" is their least favorite thing to hear in a conversation.

in addition

2011-03-30T14:55:00.001+02:00

to the previous post, I give you this little poem to remember that you gain naught through anger:

It ought to be plain

how little you gain

by getting excited

and vexed.

You'll always be late

for the previous train,

and always in time

for the next.

~Piet Hein

I never claim perfection though, temperament and anger runs in our family. It seems to be the genetic way of dealing with things. I do try and work through it though, finding out why it's there and always, always searching for more effective ways of dealing with it as it serves absolutely no purpose in my life.

Well I say it serves no purpose. The other day I realised that without the gift of anger and aggression in my life's path, I would never have valued peace and calm as much as I do, or work so hard to it's realisation in my world.

So I thank you, every single being who walked this path with me and served me with violence, aggression and anger. It brought me peace. It taught me calmness. I am richer for that experience, and I still have much to learn, I admit. But I am willing.