you create your meaning
The age we live in is not ours to decide. Our decision is only how to use the few fleeting moments the Universe has given us. - Paris by Starlight, Robert Dinsdale
This physical manifestation, this body and mind that you inhabit at the moment, is really just about being alive and living your life. Anything else you add to it. You get to decide what this means for you, what has meaning for you, and how you want to spend the time allocated to you, while also being aware that you have no concept of how much time you have, whether it is pre-designated, or whether it is assigned as you go.
The ripples of your life will always be more than you can see, and deeper than you can know, whether you are a super famous movie star, or an unknown person living an average life. And you decide all of; all the extra little bits and values you want to add to it. Or not. It doesn't need to look like anyone else's definition of anything, and you aren't allowed to say someone else's is less than yours because you decided different things.
Maybe being a present parent feels like all the life you want.
Maybe you want to be a corporate high-flyer and rise all the way to the top.
Maybe being surrounded by nature is your happy place.
Maybe you feel comfort in the beauty of the high rises and bustle of the city.
Maybe you want to work with people, learning to recognise when you need quiet.
Maybe you're good at flying solo, learning to recognise when you need companionship.
Maybe avoiding everything is where you're at and you don't want to learn shit.
You get to decide whether you want to numb out or face your shit.
And maybe your scars are too big to face right now.
Healing for you may be about learning to set boundaries, or understanding what real nurture is.
Healing for you may require a deep dive, hard work, and a willingness to deal with intense discomfort.
Or healing may just be finding compassion for yourself, learning about softness, and moving past survival.
And when people look from the outside, will they see all that has affected you and why things look the way they do?
There is a tiny part that comes with everyone's software, which is a desire to grow and having the freedom to do so. Whether or not you listen to it, or what that looks like for you, is totally up to you.
No one will understand your journey, exactly what you've been through, what processing skills you were born with or taught, or what you are dealing with right now on top of what has gone before, so no one gets to judge your steps or what your journey looks like. Although they will.
Each of us gets to decide whether any other person or the things they throw at us gets to be a part of our journey. Sometimes this looks a little like judgement, but the difference between judgement and discernment, lies in our aggressiveness and compassion towards that which is not for us.
There will be those that will be willing to sit, to listen, and bring with them compassion enough to understand at least part of what is yours. There will be those that won't.
Only you define what or who has meaning in your life.